Posts Tagged ‘spanking’

School of Kink Review

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

This review was originally published on the I Love Claude blog here. You should click over to see more ’cause it’s a rockin’ blog!

The Pinkening: Introduction to Spanking

You can google “how to spank someone” and get millions of helpful (or unhelpful) tips and instructions, but nothing beats (ha!) being taught in the flesh by two experienced players. In fact, one of the joys of a kink workshop, is that sometimes you are literally being taught by the flesh: in this case the steadily pinkening flesh of magical kinky pixie, Alice, Miss Dee’s assistant. You can read endlessly about the pros and cons, for example, of “warming up” your spankee, but where else will you be invited to actually feel the warmth emanating from a freshly spanked behind?

One of the most engaging aspects of the workshop was the way in which Miss Dee interacted with her bottom (and her bottom’s bottom, of course). By asking Alice to describe the physical sensations of being spanked cold, versus spanked after being warmed up, or how thigh-slapping felt different to arse-spanking, not only do you get to witness first-hand the delightful, playful and easy intimacy between two people who clearly trust and enjoy each other, you also get an immediate, detailed account of sensation: how differing techniques, postures, and intensities actually feel, in the moment of…application. This is incredibly useful for beginners (and even the most experienced players): for the bottoms among us, it can give us a helpful and descriptive preview, while for the people out there whose palms have already started tingling at the thought, it can tell us how it feels for those lucky kittens on the receiving end of our attentions, and we can better gauge how to apply our newly learned skills with the palm and the paddle.

alice retouch 3

While Alice provides constant feedback on how various techniques or intensities feel, Miss Dee is guiding you through an in-the-flesh demonstration of technique (flat palm, cupped palm, positions and postures, the “sweet spot” and safety tips about where on the body to be cautious, and where to always avoid), the different kinds of scenarios, scenes, and fantasies that inspire spanking, and the relationship between top and bottom (dominant and submissive; spanker and spankee). That’s part of the joy of watching a demonstration. You get to see the intimacy between people and really understand how communication works when you’re playing in the kinky world. Miss Dee, a hand constantly tickling or warming Alice’s bot-bot, or thigh, or breast, while she describes technique or shares stories, takes the time to explain consent: what safe, sane, and consensual play really means. She explains that it is the responsibility of both players to communicate, to check in, to make consent a constant, continual process, and to read and gauge your partner’s bodily reactions. She explains that she knows, for example, what it means when Alice stomps her feet and snorts a breath, “like a little pony,” because they have played before and she can interpret Alice’s specific reactions. There are times when Alice, too, will helpfully interject to explain what her startled, stompy foot movements and sharp breaths mean: “It’s ok. That’s my happy dance.”

The workshop – and it’s definitely an interactive tutorial, not a lecture, where questions are invited, paddles are passed around and tested, and stories are shared – was an informal but structured guide through the world of spanking, and a great, gentle (so to speak) introduction to kink and BDSM. The group was delightfully diverse, with a range of genders and ages, people from different backgrounds and levels of experience, and Miss Dee’s humour and openness, and her playful banter with Alice, created a lovely, relaxed vibe. People stayed afterwards and chatted with each other, or drifted over to browse together the shelves of paddles Max Black has on display, and there was a sense that, aside from picking up some truly useful tips and advice, a charming side effect of the workshop was a sense of camaraderie and of connection: there was a feeling that in the hour or so we spent together, we made a little community. When one participant asked for advice from the group on how you reveal your tastes to an existing partner, worried they might not share your kinky interests, or how on earth you even find a partner who you could explore with, someone else turned to them and said: “Look around you, honey. We’re everywhere.”

Are You Kinky?

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Social Norms

Are you kinky?  That question could be answered in any variety of ways depending on who you ask.  Kinky is as kinky does and your degree of kinkiness is defined by what you consider kinky.  What may be vanilla sex to some people may be fetish play to others.

Every society develops norms, rules and standards for behavior.  The same is true for sexual behavior.  These standards vary from one society to the next, as well as in historical periods.  They result in dividing people into mainly two groups: those that conform and those who deviate from the “norm”.  In our current society, those that conform would fall into the category of vanilla sex, while those that do not would be called deviants or kinky.  What may be acceptable to one society during a certain place and time may be a crime in another.  In other words, human sexual behavior is a cultural construct, influenced by what a particular society deems acceptable.

In Western culture, our sexuality has been seriously repressed from the time we are young children and often lasts long into adulthood.  These inbred social taboos often plague people with guilt and insecurities, effectively stopping or slowing their exploration of “forbidden” desires.

Pop Culture

Yet, many women have at one time or another read an “erotic” novel and gotten turned on by it.  These Harlequin Romance types of stories usually have themes of conflict and surrender, in which the woman is swept away by a handsome rogue often by force as she cries, “No! No!” while inside she shivers with ecstasy.  Countless horror films turn the tables and put the woman in charge as the evil seductress who lures the man into their web of sex and deceit.  We have Scream Queens, Damsels in Distress, Vamps and Femmes Fatale, all icons of popular culture that hint at the hidden desires we have buried inside.

More and more “vanilla” partners are exploring their sexuality by living out their fantasies and discovering various types of sexual “play”.  From rough sex, to blindfolding, to playful spanking, KINK or BDSM is more mainstream than ever.


As children we learn to fantasize and play games to act these fantasies out.  When we become adults, many of us lose this ability to play.  But, being an adult does not mean you should deprive yourself of your sexual fantasies.  Acting out fantasies and role-playing can create greater trust and intimacy between partners as well as help them to achieve a more sexually fulfilling and exciting sexual life.

According to Nancy Friday, many male and female sexual fantasies revolve around submission and dominance, or some surrender of control.  Many sexual practices that are associated with paraphilias (or deviant sex) are becoming widely recognized as different and diverse forms of sexual play, or kinky sex, rather than a form of psychological deviancy.  When practiced safety, sanely and between consensual adults, these acts are considered by most to be just another form of sexual expression.

Types of Kink

Kink includes a wide spectrum of activities that are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of types of kinky activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include — but are not limited to — forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual role-playing, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream sexual interactions.


Role-playing is exactly what it sounds like: each partner takes on a usually complementary, but unequal, role in which they enact personas and sexual fantasies. Typically, one is the top or dominant (the giver) and one is the bottom or submissive (the receiver), but these roles and activities are also interchangeable.  Special forms of erotic role-play include age play, Doctor/nurse or Nurse/patient, Master/slave, Teacher/schoolgirl, puppy and pony-play, Goddess/worshipper, Punisher/victim, play rape scenarios as well as many others.

Dominance and Submission

Have you ever had someone hold your hands down while having sex?  If not, I highly recommend it as it is incredibly erotic.  My first experience with this was how I found out I was “slightly” kinky.  The simple action of holding someone down while have sex—rough dominant sex, if you will—is a form of dominance and submission.  Doesn’t sound too kinky does it?  Actually, sounds kind of fun!  Now, if one were to add silk scarves or rope to tie you to the bedposts, that would take this one step further and you might think that was rather kinky, but maybe still doable.  Or maybe you are getting wet just thinking about it?  What is important with any type of kinky play, or dominance and submission, is that you talk about your fantasies together, decide your wants and limits, and do so conscentually.


As mentioned above, bondage, even being held down while having sex, can be for some people highly erotic.  The term “Bondage” describes the practice of restraining for pleasure.  Bondage, while kinky for some, is only another type of sexual expression for many couples or play partners, even in vanilla relationships.  Types of bondage include using rope, hand cuffs, spreader bars, or even suspension.  Another more “extreme” type of bondage is mummification in which someone is wrapped in plastic wrap or placed in bondage bags.  Muzzles, hoods and even ball gags are also considered bondage because they are in some way restrictive.

Sensation Play

Sensation play is a sensual way of touching your partner that is a wonderful form of erotic foreplay.  It can consist of tying someone up and tickling them with a feather, rubbing fur or silk over their flesh while blindfolded, pouring hot candle wax on your partner’s skin to turn up the heat, using ice cubes to awaken and entice, or applying a pinwheel or other sharp instruments of torture to add an element of danger and excitement.  Sensation play can add a level of eroticism that can bring your arousal to new heights of pleasure and passion.


Spanking is also another popular kinky practice that has made its way into mainstream vanilla sex.  Spanking is a form of percussion play which is another form of touching someone that can be wildly erotic.  It can include anything from light, playful spanking to flagellation with whips and paddles, to caning, flogging and everything in between.  One person’s pain is another person’s pleasure.  People who enjoy percussion may have spanking fantasies they’d love to fulfill.  Many men and women enjoy the fantasy of being punished for real or imagined “bad behavior”.  Some people enjoy being put into a submissive position, while others enjoy the physical sensation of getting their backside (or other sexual parts) warmed up.

Of course there are literally hundreds of types of kink, including a long list of fetishes and paraphilias that one could explore or desire.  One person’s kink is another person’s vanilla.

So, are you kinky… yet?



Author: Domina Doll