Posts Tagged ‘sex guide’

Christina Spaccavento: Libido, sex drive, sexual desire – where has it gone?

Friday, June 8th, 2012

Libido…Sex Drive…Sexual Desire! Call it what you want but where has it gone??

From clinical experience, I’ve found that clients in committed, long-term relationships often present in my counselling room with complaints relating to reduced, low or non-existent sexual desire. And it is not uncommon that clients present after years of conflict regarding one partner’s sexual desire and/or availability.

But before we get started it is important to understand exactly what Sex Therapists are talking about when we refer to “sexual desire”.  To keep it plain and simple sexual desire can be understood in a couple of ways. The first and most common understanding suggests that sexual desire is an innate biological drive that motivates individuals to seek out sexual stimuli or activity.  Many of can relate to this of course; it’s those times when you say to yourself “I just want sex!” The second interpretation sees sexual desire as an external force that manifests in the potential partner rather than from an internal need within the desiring self. In my own experience with clients, I’ve found that people can show both innate and external desire and this can occur interchangeably within their relationships.

So why do people struggle with sexual desire? What are the causes? It is important to acknowledge that there can be multiple physical, medical, psychological, emotional and social factors contributing to this phenomenon.

You may have heard friends, family, colleagues or even strangers talking about why their mojo just won’t show. These may have been factors such as long working days, exhaustion, children, lack of privacy in the family home, relationship problems such as anger at the other partner, or a significant life event, communication problems, substance abuse, anxiety and depression, illness, certain medications, prior sexual abuse, gynaecological problems or even a primary medical problem such as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). And while this seems like a long list, it is by no means exhaustive. Unresolved problems relating to sexual desire can prove catastrophic to both the sexual and non-sexual relationship in long-term relationships. In a situation where people might be feeling strain in their relationship, this may be a good time to see a health practitioner that can assist and offer support.

Sex therapists use a number of techniques that can be used to address sexual desire issues. General education about the anatomy and physiology of the body and sexual techniques can be very helpful when people have limited or no knowledge about. We also give our clients sensual touch homework exercises involving touching, caressing and non-coital massage. Who would have thought homework could be so much fun? The aim of the game is to help couples recapture their sexual intimacy and work towards rebuilding that physical connection that may have been neglected due to any problems that may have arisen in the relationship. Communication! Communication! Communication! You guessed it, being able to communicate and negotiate our needs and wants, both sexually and more generally within the context of the relationship is also important as an influencing factor in upping “that thang”.

It is important to remember that working with sexual issues also involves working with relationships. Sexual and relationship issues can exist on their own. However, relationship problems can cause sexual problems and sexual problems can cause relationship problems and is not always easy to know the links between relationship and sexual problems.

The information discussed in this article offers some brief information and a few simple suggestions about how I work with low sexual desire.  But one size does not fit all and each individual and/or couple will no doubt benefit from an individualised and client centered consultation with a qualified and experienced Sex Therapist and/or Relationship Counsellor.

For academic references please feel free to email me at

Christina is one of the very talented sex therapy professionals that MaXXX Black recommends. For information about sex therapy and counselling we encourage everyone to read our Community Links page.

Eat Your Way To Better Sex – Part 2

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

No doubt that today, being Valentine’s Day, will see millions of couples step out for a luxurious, or intimate, or purely romantic dinner. So it’s the perfect day to present Part 2 of our super sex foods. (You can read part one here)

Here’s 6 more yummy foods that will boost your sex life…

7. Eat More Fruit

Did you know that men who consume at least 200 milligrams of vitamin C a day improve their sperm counts and motility? In fact Vitamin C has even been shown to be effective in reversing infertility in some men (University of Texas) in as little as 14 days.

And while you’re in the grocer don’t forget the Watermelon. It’s filled with high concentrations of the good-for-your-heart, good-for-sex phytonutrients lycopene, beta carotene, and, the big one, citrulline. Citrulline is particularly exciting for its ability to relax blood vessels, according to studies at Texas A&M University. When you eat watermelon, the citrulline is converted to the helpful amino acid arginine. Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it.

8. Red Meat & Red Wine

Alot of people are going to like this one. Italian researchers recently found that the antioxidants and alcohol in the wine may trigger the production of nitric oxide in the blood, which helps artery walls to relax, increasing blood flow to the genitals. Just limit yourselves to a glass or two. More alcohol than that can put a damper on sexual performance and lead to bed spins of a not-very-sexy nature. Worth noting: even teetotalers can benefit from the red grape. Dark grape juice contains antioxidant polyphenols that protect the cardiovascular system and help keep skin flexible and elastic.

Which brings us to red meat. Lean cuts are great sources of zinc, a mineral that curbs production of a hormone called prolactin, which at high levels can cause sexual dysfunction, according to Berman. Zinc is also a key muscle-building nutrient, and the high concentrations of conjugated linoleic acids (CLA) in beef, studies show, may spur weight loss. Choose filet mignon or other deep red cuts with round or loin in the name, because they are the leanest.

9. Beans (a.k.a. Protein)

Protein is so important to weight maintenance that you should eat it with every meal and snack. Proteins boost metabolism a little more during digestion than any other type of food. Plus protein increases metabolism by helping to build muscle and stall the muscle loss that naturally happens as we age. Muscle is more metabolically active than fat is, so the more lean muscle on your body the better at burning calories it will be. Plus, well-toned abs and thighs are nice to look at when unadorned by clothing. So, how do you eat more protein without going overboard on eggs and meat? Beans—they’re good for the heart and your glutes. Kidneys, garbanzos, black beans, and navy beans are full of muscle-building protein.

While they may not be the best choice for a side dish if you plan on sex for dessert, building your meal plan around a foundation of beans and legumes will ultimately pay off for you sexually. Many studies show that bean eaters are leaner and healthier than people who don’t eat beans. According to one study in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, people who eat 3/4 cup beans or legumes a day have lower blood pressure and smaller waists than people who get their protein from meat. Beans are also full of cholesterol-lowering soluble fiber. A quarter cup of red kidney beans delivers 3 grams of fiber, plus more than 6,000 disease-fighting antioxidants. Navy beans are particularly rich in potassium, which regulates blood pressure and heart contractions, something you’ll need as your heart starts racing when he does that special move that makes you melt.

10. Fresh Fish

Well, to be more specific – fatty fish. If what’s good for your heart is good for your love life, then fish like salmon, mackerel, sardines and tuna should feature regularly in your meals.

The omega-3 fatty acids DHA and EPA found in fish help to raise dopamine levels in the brain that trigger arousal, according to sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD. Other health benefits: anti-inflammatory properties that fight blood clots and heart arrhythmias, better brain function, and protection against dementia. Studies show that omega-3s can also reduce symptoms of depression. Research from the University of Pittsburgh showed that people with high omega-3 blood levels were happier and more agreeable. Tell us that can’t help you get more sex!

Fish is one of the many healthy foods that contain the amino acid L-arginine, which stimulates the release of growth hormone among other substances and is converted into nitric oxide in the body. It’s worth repeating: nitric oxide is critical for erections and it can help women’s sexual function as well by causing blood vessels to open wider for improved blood flow.

11. Oats & Grains

Did you know a bowl of Uncle Tobys’ finest is one of the few ways to boost testosterone in the bloodstream?

The male hormone plays a significant role in sex drive and orgasm strength in both men and women. Oats (as well as seeds, ginseng, nuts, dairy, and green vegetables) contain L-arginine, an amino acid that enhances the effect nitric oxide has on reducing blood vessel stiffness. L-arginine has been used to treat erectile dysfunction. Like Viagra, it helps relax muscles around blood vessels in the penis. When they dilate, blood flow increases so a man can maintain an erection.

Oatmeal and other whole grains like whole-grain bread, brown rice, and barley also qualify as good-for-the-heart, better-for-the-gut foods. They are slow-burning, complex carbohydrates that won’t drive your blood sugar through the roof. They keep you feeling fuller longer and provide excellent energy. Try a bowl of steel-cut oatmeal with fresh berries and bananas with a drizzle of honey before your next marathon sex session.

12. Oysters & Shellfish

Oysters have long held their reputation as an aphrodisiac (though that is historically attributed to their shape and visual appeal), however raw oysters do have a strong connection to sexual function.

Oysters hold more zinc than most any other food, and it is believed that this mineral may enhance libido by helping with testosterone production–higher levels of the hormone are linked to an increase in desire. Zinc is also crucial to healthy sperm production and blood circulation. While Casanova reportedly ate 50 raw oysters a day, about six will provide double the recommended daily allowance of 15 mg of zinc.

To spice things up a bit, try a few dashes of hot sauce on your raw oysters. Other good sources of zinc are shrimp, red meat, pumpkin seeds, poultry and pork, eggs, and dairy products.


No matter what you’re serving, make it healthy, yummy and sensual – and remember, food  does more than set the mood, it’s also vital to the way we want to play.

xox MaXXXie

Eat Your Way To Better Sex – Part 1

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Sexologists, cardiologists, and psychologists agree: how much you consume has a huge impact on your sexual health. Exactly what you eat is  important, too. The right foods can help us transform the way we feel, and the way we feel is central to how healthy our libido is.

So here are the 12 foods you should be getting more of if you want to get more of  ‘it’. Part 2 next week.

1. Berries, Berries & More Berries

Researchers at the University of Rochester conducted experiments on undergraduate students to see if there was any real connection between the color and sex. In one, male and female students viewed images of women on red or white backgrounds. The men found a woman’s image on red more attractive than on white, while the female students did not. In another test, men were asked to rate attractiveness of pictures of women on red, white, gray, green, or blue backgrounds. As expected, the men scored the women on red as more sexually attractive. They also said they would spend more money on the women in red than on those in the other colors.

Strawberries can be considered sexy for another reason besides their sensual color: they are high in the B vitamin folate that helps prevent birth defects, and vitamin C, a potential libido booster. Strawberries dipped in melted dark chocolate anyone? Or how about the classic strawberries and whipped cream? Blueberries (and blackberries) are just as sexy. Ideal for a great morning-after breakfast in bed, so you have energy for round 2, both berries contain compounds that are thought to relax blood vessels and improve circulation for a natural Viagra-like effect.

2. Spinach & Leafy Greens

Spinach is a potent source of magnesium, which helps dilate blood vessels, according to Japanese researchers. Better blood flow to the genitals, as you’ve learned, creates greater arousal for men and women. Spinach and other green vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, kale, cabbage, Swiss chard, and bok choy are also good sources of our favorite sex nutrient—folate.

Extra insurance for good reproductive health, folate may lower blood levels of a harmful substance called homocysteine. This abrasive amino acid irritates the lining of arteries and encourages plaque to adhere to it. A high level of homocysteine is a significant risk factor for peripheral arterial disease (PAD). But it appears that dietary folate is protective. In a study of 46,000 men. Harvard University researchers found that those who consumed the most folate daily were 30 percent less likely to develop PAD (Peripheral Arterial Disease) than men who ate the fewest folate-rich foods.

3.  Unsweetened Tea

The antioxidant catechin found in tea promotes blood flow all over the body for sex power and brainpower; it enhances memory, mood, and focus.
One particularly potent catechin, a compound called ECGC prevalent in green tea, is thought to increase fat burn. A study in the Journal of Nutrition found that people who consumed the equivalent of three to five cups of green tea a day for 12 weeks experienced nearly a 5 percent reduction in bodyweight. Drink freshly brewed green or black tea every day-hot or iced. Bottled teas don’t offer the same benefits. And keep the sugar out of it.
Unsweetened tea is an excellent alternative to high-calorie, sugar-laden soft drinks and juices. One 12-ounce can of soda has about 10 teaspoons of sugar in it. The western world is drinking itself into obesity! The high-fructose corn syrup in many soft drinks raises insulin levels, which can over time develop into diabetes. Studies also show that getting too much sugar lowers the body’s ability to produce endorphins. Low endorphins can lead to depression, and know that depression sucks the life out of our sex drive.

4. Seeds & Nuts

Pumpkin and sunflower seeds, almonds, peanuts, walnuts, and other nuts all contain the necessary monounsaturated fats with which your body creates cholesterol—and your sex hormones need that cholesterol to work properly. That’s something the ancient Romans didn’t know when they tossed walnuts at newlyweds for good breeding luck.
Long linked to fertility—the shell, of course, resembles a man’s cojones; the inside meat is vulvalike in form—nuts make a perfectly sexy snack. Packed with muscle-building protein and filling fiber, they are a heart-healthy, albeit calorie-dense, treat.


Over easy, hard-boiled, or scrambled, eggs aren’t the most sensual food on the menu, but it’s hard to beat them for a fit and healthy body inside and out. Eggs are rich in vitamins B6 and B5, which help balance hormone levels and ease stress, and are important for a healthy libido.

Calorie for calorie, eggs deliver more biologically usable protein (if you eat the yolks) than any other food, including beef. Eggs are an excellent part of a weight-loss strategy thanks to their protein and B12, a vitamin that studies have shown is necessary for breaking down fat.

One study in the International Journal of Obesity found that when overweight people ate two eggs or a bagel for breakfast 5 days a week for 8 weeks, those who ate the eggs lost 65 percent more weight (and lost it faster) than the bagel eaters.

6. Dark Chocolate

Devouring something gooey and decadent is incredibly sensual. Dark chocolate, in particular, contains a compound called phenylethylamine that releases the same endorphins triggered by sex, and increases the feelings of attraction between two people, according to research published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. In fact, brain scans in a British study showed that eating chocolate causes a more intense and longer brainbuzz than kissing does. In this study researchers monitored the brains and heart rates of couples while they kissed passionately or ate chocolate. The brains of both men and women showed greater stimulation while the chocolate melted on their tongues than when their tongues were tied in a passionate kiss.

What’s the “healthiest” chocolate? The disease-fighting flavonols that make dark chocolate good for the body also cause the bitterness. To balance flavor and health benefits, try dark chocolate with 70 percent cacao, recommends Jeffrey Blumberg, PhD, who directs the Antioxidants Research Laboratory at Tufts University A 2-inch square chunk, at about 100 calories, will deliver a healthy treat without messing with your weight-management efforts.


So there you have it. I’ll tell you about 6 more super foods next week, but until then remember, you can eat your way to better sex!

Advice: Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms Too…

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

Pursue something that will benefit both of you – discover your guy’s multi-orgasmic response! While a bit of an ambitious venture, the rewards are great, especially in that the ejaculatory control he must develop will make for longer, sweeter sex and increased sexual confidence in the sack. Not a bad way to improve intimacy, eh?

Now the whole process of becoming multi-orgasmic really boils down to a male’s interest and ability to explore his potential for such. There are some really good resources out there, like Mantak Chia’s The MultiOrgasmic Male and, that will get him well on his way to cosmic bliss. There are, however, few reads focusing exclusively on what female lovers can do to help him in this cause. So here’s what you can do to assist him in his efforts…

Understanding His Response
First things first, you need to know what’s going on with his body before you can be of any use. As he becomes aroused and erect, he’s passing through the excitement phase of his sexual response cycle, no problem. But it’s the next part that involves the ultimate control challenge – the contractile phase or emission phase.

Here, as his prostate contracts and empties semen into his urethra, he has to make a major decision: To carry on and enjoy the immediate gratification of ejaculation, or slow the pace and postpone maximum fulfillment, in hopes of multiple orgasms.

If he decides to hold off, he’ll stay in this contractile phase, experiencing a series of prostate contractions, a.k.a. pelvic orgasms or “contractile-phase orgasms.” In continuing to hold off, he’ll need to stay as close as possible to ejaculatory inevitability, that point of no return, without shooting a load.

What You Can Do
Before participating in any male multi-o partner exercise, both of you need to realize that this quest is not about pleasuring in the immediate sense. Some orgasmic sacrifices will have to be made for long-term benefits, and it’s important that neither of you become frustrated with the process or each other. Be sure to talk to each other about what’s expected of one another, reviewing the resources he’s using together.

Next, determine words both of you will use to signal when you should stop and start stimulation. Furthermore, use a condom, as this can help him maintain an erection and postpone ejaculation, making the process a bit easier for him. Lastly, during most sex acts and in many positions, you can push on his Million Dollar Point, the indentation on his perineum just in front of his anus, while asking him to contract his PC muscle. Doing this when he’s about to ejaculate can help to stop the ejaculatory reflex.

Where to Begin…
Giving him a hand-job is the best place to start. Using an un-lubricated hand, stimulate his penis, asking him for pointers on how he’d like to be stroked. As he approaches the point of ejaculatory inevitability, he needs to tell you to stop. After his arousal levels have fallen, he should ask you to resume.

Repeat these simple steps several times over several sessions, eventually using lubricant when he’s ready. More advanced stages of this exercise involve slowing the pace or changing your stroke rather than stopping entirely. Naturally, the two of you will graduate to having you provide the same kind of stimulation, only with your mouth on his penis, repeating the same start-stop steps.

In eventually advancing to intercourse after a series of manual and oral sex sessions, sit on his thighs and rub his erect penis on your inner thighs as he takes deep, relaxed breaths. After teasing him for a bit, take a break, then play with his penis again, this time against your pubic area. After another rest, rub his erection along your outer vaginal lips, pausing to put the head of the penis close to the opening. Continue to repeat these steps until he can go through the entire exercise without anxiety or the need to ejaculate.

Once at that level, place his erect penis at your vaginal opening. After a few seconds, place it about one inch into the vagina. Continue doing so, moving slowly, until he is completely inside of you. You need to stay still and let him be there for 15 minutes. If he loses his erection, contract your vaginal muscles (PC muscle) tight enough to get him hard again.

With practice, you’ll eventually be able to work to a sexual position that involves slow thrusting, slowly increasing movement and always letting him feel in control of the pace. Do not start thrusting to satisfy yourself! Repeat in different positions, eventually with both of you moving.

Note: Every man has the ability to develop his ejaculatory control and to possibly realize multiple orgasms. Furthermore, it’s best achieved in a positive, relaxed atmosphere. Multiple orgasms are not going to happen if you’re out for a quickie, or if you’re feeling rushed and stressed. This is a process that involves time, effort, and dedication. The results should be well worth all of it.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD – first published on bettersexnetwork.

The Sex Coach: Before Play Suggestions

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

Given how busy and distracted we all are, it’s the ‘getting to sex’ stage that’s the most challenging for modern couples. I call this stage of sex ‘beforeplay’. It’s the transition phase necessary to remove you from the stresses of the day, and get the two of you connecting, maintaining the ‘mmm’ factor and building up some of that erotic tension.

And getting there should be fun! You don’t have to go all out to change the mood and get things going…

  • Lounge around the house in sexy and sensual lounging-round-the-house gear (a la Peter Alexander, ie comfy and sexy)
  • Take the dog for a walk together in the evening (preferably you in a skirt with no knickers underneath)
  • Sit on the back verandah together after dinner drinking wine and looking out at the stars (above dress code applies)
  • Read good quality erotica

  • Cook/eat/clean up dinner naked, or wearing just a robe and nothing underneath
  • Hang out in your bedroom together having a cup of tea and a chat
  • Play backgammon or do a jigsaw puzzle together
  • Sit either end of the couch and give yourselves foot massages

  • Have a bath and have him come in and give you a foot massage, or just sit on the bath and chat
  • Take dessert up to the bedroom and finish it there

  • Throw away the TV – ok, maybe a bit destructive, but the TV is the biggest anti-sex device ever created [MaXXX Agrees! Turn the telly off, even if it’s just for a few hours, it will change the mood in your home entirely and let you focus on something other than George Negus)

It’s not the most ‘out there’ phase of sex, but it is the most important.  Most people need time to transition into sex (men as much as women).

So, with these ideas in mind, what gets ­you warmed up and ready for some lovin?

Get this phase (BeForePlay) right and you’ll set yourselves up for sex that is as hot/sensual/wild/loving/kinky/adventurous/deep as it can possibly be!

For Her Pleasure: Sexilicious Tips for Guys

Friday, June 3rd, 2011
Original article courtesy of BetterSexNetwork

Every month, men’s magazines are packed full of articles on how to be a better lover, how to maximize her pleasuring, and how to have the best sex ever. With so much information coming your way, it can be a bit overwhelming to identify what’s truly good advice versus what amounts to no more than rubbish. In helping you in your better sex efforts, making things more ‘sexilicious’ for your female lover (and ultimately you), boils down to the following…

1. The Clitoris. The more you know, the better. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.  Many men roughly fumble their way down a lady’s panties, hoping they’ll strike gold.   So learn some tricks, or at least get to know this part of her really well. First, know where to find the clitoris and what it feels like. Ask her to guide your hand in showing you what feels right. She’ll feel a connectedness in your concern.

[MB: Our recent article on the clitoris may shed some light on the topic – CLICK HERE to read it]

2. Have a silky smooth lubricant, like Astroglide, handy. This is key: It can make all of the difference in the world. Third, skillfully play with her. Rub her clitoris in an up/down or circular motion. Vary the pressures and ask her what feels best. Lay off every now and then if the sensations get to be too much for her. As your working her clitoris, massage her pubic area. Insert a finger (or more) into her vagina, using a circular or thrusting motion. Tug at or stroke her inner lips to further get her going!

2. Go Down Boys! Exude sexual confidence by becoming a cunninlingus expert. Oral sex is where it’s at for most women. Start by kissing her all over, working your way to her clitoris. Suck on it, lick it – vary intensities. Harden your tongue and use quick darting motions to stimulate the entire genital area – her inner lips, vaginal opening, rectal area – and once you’ve struck gold, maintain your tongue rhythm in that spot. Ease off every now and then when she can’t take any more. Indulge yourself in her treasure. Moan like you can’t get enough. Insert a finger into her vagina or anus for more stimulation. Kick things up a notch by sucking on a menthol as you’re going to town, or do a shot of mint Schnapps for the sensation it provides. One last tip: Shave – your baby smooth skin is going to feel much better than brush burn on her inner thighs.

3. Develop more control. The longer you can hold off, the likelier she is to orgasm (and more than once) during sex. Since some men tend to cum before women, you need to let her sexual response cycle catch up with your own. Increase orgasm intensity by learning to control your ejaculation using Kegel exercises for your pelvic floor muscles.

4. Make friends with a vibrator. Instead of being threatened by this mechanical device, be empowered by it. Your lover will be most impressed as you take charge of her orgasmic potential, working a vibrator up and down her clitoral, mons, and anal area, in a circular motion as you hold her and feel her body shudder from ecstasy time and time again. Or send her to the moon the next time you have sex and dare to work the vibrator on her clitoris as your thrusting her!

5. Don’t forget about the rest of her body. As the body’s biggest organ, our skin is ignored all too often. Rather than take a cooking class to meet women, take a massage class to keep women. In the glow of candlelight, treat her to a rub down with baby oil. Pay special attention to her back, her shoulders, her neck, and her feet. Give her light kisses and tell her you can’t get enough of her. She will be putty in your hands.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD.

Advice: Feeling Sexy When Pregnant

Saturday, May 14th, 2011

While a mother-to-be can take great pride in her budding form, feeling sexy in it can be another matter entirely. With pregnancy one of the most sensual times in a woman’s life, its becomes a peak time to cultivate feelings of sexiness that can invite more action at a critical point in a relationship. With sexual activity during pregnancy very much predicting just how well couples will do together post-birth, staying sexy and intimate is very important to the family in the long-term. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways for an expectant mum to feel like one hot mama with every trimester.

Don’t let the urge to purge define your sexy feelings over the long term.
Admittedly, sexy feelings can escape some moms in favor of good old morning sickness. While praying to the porcelain god may seem to quelch your hopes for an arduous affair with anything other than your toilet bowl, it is possible to maintain some sense of sensuality even in the pangs of nausea by focusing on the process and the feelings one at a time, breathing through them and using them as tools to get in tune with your body’s internal workings.

Decrease the severity of your morning sickness by eating plain, dry crackers and other simple, easy-to-digest foods, drinking fluids between snacks, and consuming foods and drinks with ginger root, like ginger tea or candy.

Don’t resign yourself to sarmassophobia or malaxophia – a fear of love play.
If you secretly long for sex and frequently forego the urge simply because it seems tiresome, you may want to delve a little more deeply. If you’re opting out, but still feeling deprived of intimate touch, contact and sex, failing to find out why will leave you feeling insecure isolated and worse about yourself and your sex life.

Sleep as much as your body demands.
Hormonal fluctuations and other physical and mental issues can take a toll on the hottest mammas. So get your beauty sleep!

Get yourself a bellymask.
This plaster gauze sculpture is a recreation of your pregnant torso. Available through, these heirlooms will be a powerful reminder and celebration of your role in the circle of life, and will make for a perfect gift for your newborn one day.

Go commando.
Shun panties, wear skirts, and go crotchless, especially if your vulva is all hot’n’bothered from increased blood flow to the pelvic region. This may also help keep you from chafing against the crotch of your pants or panties.

Practice Dhurga breathing.
This advanced technique can be helpful in regaining control and calm during emotionally trying times. Always remember to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself the room to cry when you really need to, but don’t get lost there. You can get sucked into the ‘poor me’ routine faster than you might imagine and that’s certainly going to do nothing for your sex life or hot mamma mode. Caving to these impulses has the potential to possibly foil some tender moments with your lover later, so it’s important to have a quick and easy way to reground and take control of yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up for plowing through that tubs of Ben & Jerry’s or bag of Doritos.
Don’t forget, curvy is hot. Then work it off with an extra long session in the boudoir!

Practice sexy preggy mantras.
Feeling great about your pregnant body is probably the most important part of staying sexy during pregnancy. Celebrate the life you’re carrying, reveling in the thrill of it. Your body is a miraculous mechanism of life-giving energy blossoming into the earthy, maternal energy so magnetic that others may actually stop to do a double take.

Be patient with your third trimester sexual response.
Vaginal contractions during T3 sex are likely to be weaker, thereby lowering your sexual response cycle and making orgasm more difficult, if not impossible to attain during sex play. Complicating issues further, orgasmic uterine contractions have the potential to be discomforting and aggravating rather than pleasurable for women in T3. Be accepting of your response, and know that you’ll be back to your old sexual self in just a few weeks’ time!

Don’t give into notions that preggie isn’t sexy!
With sexual response enhanced for many, this is your time to test untried thought processes and maneuvers. Challenge yourself to think outside of the oft too-tight box into which society forces woman with child. Your ability to be sexy comes down to how YOU choose to see your pregnancy and express your sensuality – and nobody else.

Overall, be sure to maintain a healthy diet and a self-care routine, which includes exercise, massage, meditation, yoga, and pampering. This is a time when you can get in tune with your earthy nature as never before and these activities will help you to tap your core.

Finally, splurge on some outfits that help you to feel sensual and sexy. Women will often feel guilty about such purchases, but the financial costs outweigh the emotional price of not splurging.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD for bettersexnetwork.

Guide: Touch Your Way To Better Sex!

Monday, May 9th, 2011

Touch is not only the key to sexual pleasuring and arousal, but a fundamental human need for connectedness as well. From holding hands, to giving a massage, to getting a hug, touch conveys affection, caring, and love. With touch, two people can become one.

Sometimes simply lying closely with somebody can be one of the most intimate experiences. The great comfort it provides has no parallel. In sexual relationships, touch as foreplay has enormous potential, which two people can experience at many different levels. n focusing on touch in your relationship, why don’t you…

Just cuddle. Press your bodies up against each other by spooning. Or take turns feeling each other’s body weight with one partner lying on top. Cuddling can be a peaceful, shared experience as you drift into sleep, or it can be an awakening of the senses as you feel yourself – and your partner – becoming wet and hard. You can cuddle together completely naked or start out fully dressed. Part of the experience can be undressing each other one article of clothing at a time, from time to time. With the removal of every layer, come different sensations and a new intensity.

Explore each other’s bodies. Try focusing on only your fingertips as you let your hands glide over the body’s biggest organ – the skin. Learn all about your partner’s body, especially the nonsexual parts that you may not given enough attention to. If you’re the one being explored, surrender yourself to caresses. Don’t get caught up in what the two of you will do next or what you need to do to your lover when it’s your turn to give. Allow yourself to bask in touch.

Experiment with different types of sensations. These may include light kisses on the shoulder blades, a gentle pinching of a butt cheek, little licks around the naval, or a gentle biting of a big toe. Don’t be afraid to use props like a feather or fur to further eroticize touch.

Play around with different temperatures. Make your touches hot and sweaty by rubbing up against each other on a blistering hot summer day – without air conditioning. Or heat things up by cooling things down with cold bed sheets. Try putting your sheets in the freezer for 10-15 minutes before getting close to warm each other up.

Take intimacy to a different level by skillfully ravaging each other. Challenge yourselves: How long can you touch and tease each other until you can resist no more? Which one of you can hold out longer? Drive each other crazy until one of you can hold back no more…

Take turns holding each other – in the nude. As your partner holds you in an embrace, place his/her hand over yours as you slowly run your hand over your body. Allow your lover to feel your different hand movements as you pause in areas that feel good – rubbing, massaging, or stroking. After a little while, let your partner take over and guide your hand as he/she plays with your body, perhaps with new tricks of his/her own.

Bathe together. Relish in the sensations of your naked bodies sliding all over each other. Use this moment to stimulate your bodies, as you lather each other with soap suds, focusing on your erogenous zones, primarily the: ears, neck, inner thighs, buttocks, breasts, palms of the hands, and genitals.

Tease each other by simulating sex. Get in positions without penetrating and mimic thrusting motions, if only to get each other flustered and incredibly sexually charged. Gaze intently into each other’s eyes while in missionary position. Feel the buttocks against the thighs during man from behind position. Move to the woman on top position, which is especially enticing since it provides a great deal of visual stimulation, like the erect nipples and sex flush that can occur during sexual arousal.

With all of these suggestions, be sure you’re both relaxed, as being stress-free are essential!

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD

Advice: Love, Lust & The Male Body

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

The male body is beautiful and full of wonderful surprises. But we tend to focus on his penis and let so many other elements of his anatomy (and sexual response) slip past us.  It’s important to explore his body every now and then in ways that don’t focus on his penis and penetration. That goes as much for boys as it does for girls too, as quite often we see men in store who haven’t really explored themselves beyond traditional penis-centric sexual expression.

So what do you do?

Start with a little massage and touch. Gather up supplies, like silicone lube, massage products, and maybe a blindfold. If you don’t have a blindfold, just use your thigh high stocking or a necktie. Blind folding your lover while mapping their body for signs of sexual response can really help your lover relax and give in to sensation in new ways. By removing the visual component, which us men are sometimes too reliant upon for stimulation, you allow him to concentrate on the physical. His physical, and what you’re doing to it.

Your main tools however will be your breath, lips, fingers and hands. Give yourselves 30 minutes of pure touch and tease before you even get to the region around his penis. Nibble on his ears, kiss his neck, and massage his muscles. If he is enjoying it, keep going. Watch for even the subtlest response like the rate of his breath and the tension in his muscles.

If he expresses reservation or flinches along the way, respect those responses as well and move on to other areas of his body. This can be a perfect lesson in learning to trust each other. You’ll also learn what kinds of flirty touches you may be able to use on him in the future, like blowing a little air on his neck while he’s reading or tucking your hand in between his thighs during dessert at the restaurant!

As you move on to his shaft, remember the most responsive area on his penis (for most men) is the frenulum – on the under side of his penis, where the head meets the shaft. That’s the perfect spot to flutter your tongue or gently use a vibe against.

And then the entire underside of his shaft from head to testicles is also very responsive. The simple reason for this is that most of the day and night a man’s penis is soft and relaxed. The underside of his organ sits against his warm skin, while the top and sides of his penis and balls are rubbing against clothing and bedding. Consequently the protected nerves on the underside of his shaft and head are closer to the surface of his skin and more sensitive to touch.

Moving on down the shaft, I have to ask if you have you ever held a guys balls and sort of cupped them and pushed them up into his body? If you ask him why he likes it he will say something like, “I don’t know. Just keep doing it!” That’s because there is also more erectile tissue in his body than meets the eye.

The average man’s external shaft is about five to six inches long. If he’s an average guy, he’ll have another 3 or so inches of erectile tissue that goes deeper inside his body. We call this the root of the penis. One way to stimulate this deeper erectile tissue is by cupping his balls and pushing them up into his body, as the root is directly on the other side of his testicles. This subtle cupping action will bring a great response because the root of the penis is more sensitive than his shaft.

If he’s fully erect, you can walk your fingers back a little bit, just behind his testicles but before you reach his sphincter, and you can feel end of the root of the penis at his perineum. There are also eight muscles that come together at this point to create his pelvic platform, making this area profoundly responsive to touch for many men.

Keep in mind that some guys will get a little shy as you get close to their butthole. If your guy tenses up and expresses fear as your fingers move in this direction, take him seriously. Leave your hand right where it is, but stop any movement. You might want to say to him, “I promise not to touch your butt.” And then don’t touch his butt! Let him learn to trust you.

If he is relaxed in your hand, use the pad of two or three fingers to give him a gentle circular massage. You might try pushing up into his body a little with your finger pads as well. This perineum massage will, in turn, put pressure on his prostate from the outside of his body. Depending upon how close he is to orgasm, this may take him right over the edge.

For more information on his incredible body, male orgasms and how to get most out of him, I highly recommend reading The Multi Orgasmic Man. For some tips and tricks that focus just on his member and the surrounding areas, I suggest Dr Sadie Allison’s wonderful Tickle His Pickle.

The What, Where & How of Condoms

Friday, April 8th, 2011

It’s easy to get complacent about the humble condom. We are constantly surprised by how many people (of all ages) still don’t know the basics about them. So we thought we’d explain it.

The Condom: What is it?

The most common type is a latex sheath that fits onto the penis when erect, and which catches semen on ejaculation. This prevents sperm from getting into the body and also stops body fluids from mixing during any kind of intimate sexual activity. When used correctly, the (male) latex condom is 98% effective against pregnancy and STIs.

What’s on offer?

Condoms are most effective when coated in a spermicide. They are often also lubricated (to make sex more comfortable) but spermicide/lubricant free condoms are readily available, as are flavoured, coloured or textured varieties.

Here at MaXXX Black we stock everything from multi-textured condoms like Durex Pleasuremax and Four Seasons Vibrating to specialist condoms like the latex-free Ansell Manix (good for latex allergies) and even Durex Extended Play which can help delay climax for longer-lasting fun.

“Always pinch the teat at the top of the condom before rolling it over the penis”

Condoms made from polyurethane offer the same level of protection, and provide an effective alternative for latex-allergy sufferers (Ansell Manix). The female condom is also made from polyurethane. It’s a larger version of the male condom and can be fitted inside the vagina before sex. If used correctly, the female condom is 95% effective against STIs and pregnancy.

Where can I get some?

Condom availability is widespread. They can be bought in adultshops like MaXXX Black, supermarkets, chemists, pubs, bars, public toilets and petrol stations. They are also available free from family planning clinics, ACON and some young people’s centres. In every case, make sure there is a BSI kitemark or a CE mark on the packaging – this means they have been tested to a high safety standard.

How is it used?

  1. A condom should always be unrolled onto an erect penis before sex, and preferably before any kind of sexual activity. This is because during arousal the penis may release a clear liquid (called precum) which can contain semen.
  2. Always pinch the teat at the top of the condom before rolling it over the penis. This will help to be sure that you’re putting it on right (teat facing upwards) and expel any trapped air. This also reduces the risk of the condom splitting during sex.
  3. Please use a good quility waterbased lubricant sold at MaXXX Black such as Intimate Organics Hydra or Lelo personal moisturiser.  Waterbased and silicone lube is conpatabilbe.  never use an oil based lube, this breaks down latex.
  4. After sex, hold the base of the condom when withdrawing the penis to prevent it from slipping off. Dispose of it responsibly and if you’re up for any more action be sure to roll on another one fresh from its foil packet.


  • The only contraceptive that can also prevent sexually transmitted diseases, includs HIV.
  • A chance for men to take responsibility for contraception;
  • Widely available and free from some places.


  • Condoms may slip or split, especially if handled roughly or torn by sharp fingernails or jewellery;
  • Latex condoms are weakened by oil-based lubricants. Contact with body lotion, sun tan lotion, baby oil or Vaseline can quickly destroy the material and should never be used as lubricant.
  • Find ways to introduce condoms (or at least putting one on) into your play with a partner. Whether you put it on or you get your partner to, incorporating the condom into play itself helpsmake condoms sexier and more fun.