Posts Tagged ‘guide’

Get Your Read On – New books at MB

Friday, September 5th, 2014

With Spring in the air (the Jasmine is in bloom in Newtown!) now is the perfect time to pick up a sultry new volume and soak in the sunshine along with some sexy inspiration. Our huge book department has grown a little larger this week with these new titles available now:

All of these titles, and few more, are in-store and online now. Visit the New Books section of to see all the new volumes.

Wild Hide Deluxe Harness – the new video

Thursday, August 28th, 2014

It’s no secret that Max Black loves Wild Hide. This fantastic Australian leather workshop has been working with us for over 5 years now and their leather harness products are some of our all-time best sellers!

Every one of them is hand crafted by talented leathersmiths in sunny Queensland with a beautiful attention to detail that delivers soft, sensual and thoroughly practical strap on harnesses.

Want to see more? Wild Hide have been busy creating how-to videos on the Deluxe Harness (called The Wild Hide Harness at MB). It’s worth a watch if you’ve ever wanted to know how these little wonders work…

How To Have A Naughty Holiday!

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
Article Originally Published on BetterSexNetwork by Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

With our northern neighbours soaking up the sunshine (and rubbing it in our collective televisual faces) and our own weather managing more frosty than frisky, our thoughts naturally turn to that tropical getaway,  or a spot of travel in a warmer, northern cliamate. What with international travel prices so low at the moment now is a perfect time to plan a naughty holiday. Cities from London to Tokyo to New Orleans have erotic scenes beyond your wildest dreams, just waiting to be tapped by pleasure-seekers.

In addition to booking your flight, choosing a hotel, and getting romantic restaurant recommendations, investigate where to go in cultivating your carnal side vis–à–vis local culture. Check out annual guides that are published exclusively on everything sex-related to a city, like Paris Sexy, getting leads on titillations like…


Kick off your holiday with some R&R, namely a decadent, sensual massage. Such spa treatment will help to reconnect you with your body, getting you in a sexy state of mind and helping you to relax (a much needed component of eventually getting sexually revved!). Enjoy, too, being buffed and bathed with a hot soak, scrub down, or steam bath. This is your time to leave your regular life behind (at least temporarily) and prime yourselves for pure eroticism.


Adult Stores:

Sexual enhancement boutiques can range from the high-end to the trashy, depending on the mood you’re in. Whether you want a store resembling a modern art gallery or like the lewd, equip yourselves with an array of intimate private time products. Leisurely browse impressive assortments of for-your-pleasure delights like vibrators, hand-blown dildos, sensual massage lotions, French ticklers, satin cuffs (with matching mask), custom-made crops or whips, erotic games… Don’t forget to pick up sensual bath and body products for some post-sex action as well, as you’re sure to have worked up a sweat in testing out your new toys!

Erotic bookstores & museums:

Lose yourselves in collections of erotic art, graphic novels, racy photographs, pornographic comics, adult-only reading and DVD selections, lewd postcards… you get the picture.


Lingerie boutiques: Whether buying for yourself or for your sweetie, indulge yourselves in ensembles of ‘barely there’s.’ Not only will such shopping make you feel sexier, you’ll feel naughtier as your fingers graze lacy G-strings and garter belts, as you choose a form-fitting velvet or leather corset, or as you slip on some sexy black seamed stockings, a sheer, babydoll teddy, or the infamous maid costume.

Fetish Fashion:

For those feeling bold enough to shop for fetishwear, check out local collections of latex lingerie, costumes, boots, and vinyl bustiers, amongst other props, for satisfying your fixations. Top off your purchase with some killer stilettos, a feather boa, or wig, but not before inquiring about any upcoming events or fetish parties the shop might be discreetly hosting or know about.


Cabarets & Burlesque shows: For those not into “raunch”, but hoping to soothe their need for the sensual, mesmerizing cabarets and burlesque shows can do just the trick. Offering a range of deliveries, from the sassy to the shocking, these art forms play with the power of suggestion via dance, storytelling, and parody, with the burlesque possibly offering partial striptease. Other sensually-focused entertainment experiences can include a city’s ballet, theatre, or opera performances (love that drama).

In the end, your vacation is all abut YOU and the person you travel with. It can be as relaxing, sultry, sexy, or dirty as you want it to be.

Just remember to check local laws regarding adult entertainment, alcohol and drugs, and even sex toys if you’re travelling outside of Europe or North America. Plus you should always remember to be stocked up on lubricant and condoms if you’re planning on playing with multiple partners – it’s not only responsible, it’s essential.

Guide: How To Spot A Latex Knock-Off

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012


Another year – another bunch of latex knock-off merchants

Several new latex piracy operations have recently come to the attention of expert copycat spotter Heidi Patterson. Here she identifies the offenders and warns against firms now starting to pass themselves off as UK, European or US-based businesses.

If you’ve been following the fetishistas coverage of latex fashion piracy, you’ll already know that a number of mostly Chinese websites are pushing generally substandard garments using images and, by extension, designs that they have stolen from legitimate latex labels in the West.

So you may be interested to learn about three new latex knock-off websites that crossed our radar in the closing months of last year.

In what may be a sign of the increasing sophistication of the Far Eastern latex copycat industry, two of these operations seem to have offices in Europe, while the third misrepresents itself as a UK business.

The latter, CATSUITS-LATEX.COM, includes this invitation on its website: “Buy quality latex catsuits online from UK’s most trusted latex fetish clothing retailer, save up to 50% on the high street and free shipping worldwide.”

In fact, this site is just another variation of the Chinese site, with prices that are not that much cheaper than Libidex‘s current sale prices.

Both Chinese sites are filled with stolen images with the heads cropped off. I made them remove a shot of one of my own designs that they had stolen, but I still appear on the site in another stolen and Photoshopped image from a 2001 Latex Lair shoot. I’ve decided to leave it there for now to amuse myself.

Also stolen are a fair number of Polymorphe catalogue photos, Latexa items (Latexa says the company is not a customer in either of its guises), Vex Clothing images and possibly some from Blacklickorish Latex too.

E-mails to either site are answered by “Sarah Gan” or “Ariel”. When pressed, they admit the site is based in Hong Kong/China, but make pleas to be taken seriously, as this e-mail I received from “Ariel” shows:

I’m not sure if we have claimed that we located in the UK. I can tell you that we are really in China. I know there were too much Chinese produced poor quality products before and now.

But there are also much young people trying to change this. It needs a long time I think. But we are struggling. We do our best to offer best service for our customers.

Now we can have a talk about our products. “We are committed to using pure natural latex raw materials and making high quality latex clothing. Our raw materials from Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, Hai’nan Island of China.”

If there’s someone says that our material contains some toxic substance, please let him show the appraisal certificate out. And in China we have lots of cheap labor, it help us offer more lower price.

I understand the people who don’t like Chinese, because there’s so much unthinkable things happened in this unthinkable land, which charged by a unthinkable government. But please believe, there’s always beautiful things. Just need you to find.

How could one fail to be moved by such a missive? In my case, the answer is: easily.

FINE2SHINE.NL is purportedly a Dutch retailer selling inexpensive latex. While all the site text is in Dutch, I’ve spotted numerous photos from other sites — including Libidex/Tall Goddess, Gaelyn & Cianfarani, and Simon O/ Jessy, as well as other photos from Jade Vixen, Darenzia, Kendra James, Apnea, Christine Kessler, Marquis, and more.

Bizarrely, in its latex shop section, the company also mixes these stolen fetish designer and model photographs with a substantial number of Second Life avatar-style computer-generated fetish characters.

All this leads me to conclude that the company is in the business of selling knock-offs made in China, or worse, nothing at all.

According to Kumimonster, whoever’s behind the company will remove copyright images when pressed. So it may be worth a visit to see if you recognise anybody you know. on the Shopping tab of the Chinese EASY2BID.COM website and you’ll be taken to, where a range of shopping options includes wedding and party dresses, martial shoes and fashion bags, along with latex dresses.

In the latex section, Easy2Bid appears to be offering garments by HMS Latex, Catalyst, Naucler, Venus Prototype, Jane Doe and Latexa, plus Katy Perry‘s famous Syren dresses — all illustrated by images from the original makers’ websites, and in many cases using the same style names.

But I can state for certain that none of the latex shown from the above-mentioned labels is authorised to appear on this site. So if you buy any of these designers’ creations from this site, you are buying knock-offs, not the original designs produced by the lawful copyright owners.

Click on the About link and you’ll learn that this is the site of the Easy2Bid marketplace, a venture launched in December 2009 by EB Global, a Danish incorporated company based in Copenhagen.

The impression given by the comprehensive and well-written About blurb (which includes a picture of Danish CEO Peter-Mikal B Hansen) is of a respectable European operation representing Chinese and Vietnamese manufacturers.

But that doesn’t seem to have prevented it from going along with some less-than-respectable latex copyright theft.

Of course, a European operation representing Far Eastern suppliers might argue that the images on its website came direct from those suppliers, and that they have been used in good faith, without knowledge of their true origins or any copyright issues arising.

In which case designers will no doubt want to inform Mr Hansen of any breaches of their copyright, so that he and his Chinese associates can remove images that they do not have the right to use. And to anyone who tries this, please let us know the outcome.

STOP PRESS: A brand new sighting on my radar — the first of 2012 — is ZENTAI.24RETAIL.COM, a company presenting itself as a retailer of zentai suits and latex catsuits, dresses, corsets and accessories.

All its website latex photos have been lifted, minus tops of heads, straight from Libidex, and the garment descriptions even use the original Libidex style names!

I was quickly able to establish that Libidex is not wholesaling to this company, and though the home page advertises a Washington State phone number, the 24retail site blurb states that it is a “retail website for global which based in China”— so draw your own conclusions.

Incidentally, while this site makes the usual claims for low prices, there are quite a few examples where you can get the genuine item in the current Libidex sale cheaper than the knock-off.

Unless of course you want to gamble on Zentai’s “made-to-measure” knock-offs being better than the Libidex originals. In which case, best of luck to you.


The question comes up on latex forums with alarming regularity: “Do you know Are they legitimate? They have very nice things.”

Usually almost at first glance, the site will set off warning bells to anybody who’s shopped for latex long enough. But to newcomers with no point of reference, the clothing may appear too good to pass up.

There are three ways in which you can generally spot a knock-off or scam site. Check out the telltale signs below, and for fun, test on, latexcatfish, milanoo, or any number of eBay shop sites.

1. Office Lady Uniform
Enter the words “office lady” in the search field of the site. If it shows up, you more than likely have a Chinese knock-off site.

2. Size chart
The size chart shown below is also a dead giveaway of a Chinese knock-off operation. If you see it, you’re on a copycat’s site.

3. Heads cut off
Some websites automatically crop thumbnails so models’ heads don’t show, but when you click through to the full-size image, the whole head should be visible. If it isn’t, the image was almost certainly borrowed or stolen and the site you’ve found is a knock-off seller or scammer.

Caution: there are exceptions to rule 3, where designers purposely show garments in a “look book” style without heads — such as on Kim West’s Luxury Latex site. However, with a little practice, it becomes easy to tell the difference between a look book shot and a copycat’s crop.

AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE Heidi Patterson is a fetish commentator and regular contributor to The Fetishistas who also has her own latex line, Essential Latex.

The Sex Coach: Neuroplasticity = Moulding Your Brain For Sex

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

Greetings from Vietnam! I’m here for two weeks doing a spiritual retreat again. This week my partner, Oscar, is doing it as it’s his first time, and I’ll be doing next week’s as it’s my second. So I have a week to relax and reflect in an extremely beautiful and serene garden resort on the shores of the South China Sea.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing for my next book on female sexual archetypes – which will be a world first in the new literary genre of therapeutic erotica! More of that another time…

What has been interesting has been observing the participants of this week’s retreat. Over the five days of the retreat there has been an observable change in them, and they all report a significant change within themselves. Five days of guided meditations and discussions clearly shifts ‘stuff’ for people. This is a great example of neuroplasticity – the brain changing its circuitry. Given the opportunity for stillness and guided reflection, the circuits of these people are changing quite rapidly. This change in the brain allows for definite and continued positive change from here on.

I love the fact that brain researchers have proven this plasticity. Many years ago as an undergraduate biochemistry student studying neuroscience, I was dismayed that the thinking of the day was that the brain was simply a computer and the job of the scientist was to figure out what the bits were and how they interacted. I remember being scoffed at for suggesting it might be otherwise. So I didn’t pursue that line of study.

Now we know that the brain is a wonderful organic system that constantly changes and adapts to the inputs coming into it, all through life. So if your life is stressful and you input negative thoughts, your brain circuitry will reinforce and reflect that reality. That will become the filter through which you experience the world – as negative and stressful. If you have positive thoughts and experiences then your brain will reinforce and reflect that reality – you’ll be looking at the world with a rose-coloured brain!

It becomes a feedback loop – either increasingly negative or increasingly positive.

The exciting thing is that you can change your circuitry. Working on your personal growth is essentially about rewiring your brain.

Which brings me to sex. If you have negative views, expectations and experiences around sex you can change them to positive ones. You don’t have to be stuck in your ‘story’ (brain circuitry) that says that sex is scary/disgusting/sinful/odd/boring/painful/unnecessary/addictive. Your story about not being into sex because: you’re a mother/disabled/old/from a repressed background/a victim of abuse/too busy/too tired/too whatever; or your story that you’re entitled to sex because you’re a man/married/a helpless addict/a victim of abuse/stressed/whatever – can be changed.

One of the wonderful things about sex, is that you can change your neural wiring to more positive circuits while actually having sex, assuming it’s intimate sex. Just as the participants on the retreat here are making huge changes in a short amount of time through quietness and concentrated reflection, so can you make major sexual changes through a more sensual, subtle approach to sex and intimacy.

Making love in a beautiful environment, calm, soft and inviting is the start. Then progressing slowly with loving touch, melting hugs, feeling each others’ presence as much as your bodies, gazing into each others yes, gives your brain the time and space to rewire in positive ways. Over time, the wiring in your brain will respond to the thought of sex in a positive way, knowing that it is an enjoyable positive experience. It will send messages throughout your body to prepare it for pleasure through the release of hormones, muscle relaxation, slowing your heartbeat, etc.

When two people’s brains are wired sex-positively, they come together in openness, not anxiety/resignation/annoyance/fear of rejection, etc. The more you come together in this way, the stronger the wiring becomes and the easier it is to enjoy love-making.

This applies to solo sex too. The more you send positive messages to your brain, the more you experience enjoyable solo sex, the better the brain rewires to reinforce the view that solo sex (and the genitals involved) is good.

It’s important that you reinforce this rewiring in the whole of your life. Surround yourself with things and experiences that heighten your senses, your enjoyment of life. Avoid people with a sex-negative view of the world and reach out and interact with people with a positive view. Reading this newsletter is a great example! As is attending my workshops, or seeing me privately.

Remember it’s a positive feedback loop, the more positivity you put in your life, the more positive it becomes, and due to neuralplasticity, it becomes increasingly easier to be more positive – until you get to the point where it’s your natural state of being and you can’t help but be joyful!

Who’s brain are we talking about? Yours. So it’s up to you to take control of your brain, make the choice to feed it positively. Honour your life and your role in creating it whichever way you choose. Your brain will back you up on that, but you’re the creator.

The Sex Coach: True Intimacy

Saturday, June 25th, 2011

Self help books, women’s magazines and traditional therapists extol the virtues of intimacy as the way to improve your relationship and therefore have better sex. The two key aspects to this ‘intimacy’ are:  1) to become more connected by spending more time together, and 2) to communicate (by speaking) every little thing about yourself, and conversely listening wondrously in rapt attention agreeing in perfect accord with every utterance.

Which would imply most of us haven’t got a snowflake’s chance in hell of having a decent sex life…

Fear not. You can breathe a sigh of relief because this means that in fact you will avoid that stifling arrangement of co-dependent ‘intimacy’ we too often think is the prerequisite for ‘happily ever after”.

Now certainly intimacy does require connection and communication, but it’s the how, the what and the how much that matters. Let’s look at the two fundamental aspects of intimacy – connection and communication – debunk a few myths and look at what really matters.

First, connection. Supposedly we need to have lots of quality time together to feel intimate. But in fact you don’t have to even be physically near each other to feel connected. Especially in this digital age there are myriad ways to connect without being physically present. Even when you are together, it doesn’t have to be ‘quality’ time, i.e. time that is spent highly focused on each other, more of that rapt attention stuff. Just spending time together in an unfocused hanging-out kind of way can actually be a better way of enjoying each other’s company than high intensity time together. (How often have you seen couples in restaurants eating without speaking? Not a lot of intimate connection going on there. They’d be better off doing the gardening together or going for a walk where there is more distraction, less intensity and surprisingly more ease of connection).

We’re also supposed to improve our ‘connection’ by sharing common interests and learning to enjoy those that aren’t in common. Well, that’s not necessary either. While it’s good to have some interests in common, you don’t have to have everything in common, and there’s no onus on you to learn to like those that aren’t. There’s nothing wrong with having different interests, it doesn’t mean you’re not suited, it doesn’t mean you’re not close. Quite the opposite, maintaining connection in the face of difference is bonding if you respect and appreciate the difference.

This can be intimidating for some people though. They fear that sense of separateness. They fear that if they’re not fused they could lose the other person. These people become jealous and fiercely attached to their partner. Any sense of flirting is felt as potential or actual infidelity and is the hovering angel of death to the relationship. There is no trust, only a desperate clinging. This is not true intimacy.

It’s also intimidating because of the threat of rejection. If your partner is different to you then they may not agree with you and that can be a frightening thing. It’s scary to know that the person whose opinion you value the most and whose agreement you crave might reject your thought or action or opinion. Shock, horror, that could cause disharmony, and we all know that the “perfect relationship” is harmonious.

It might be, but not through fear of difference, only through appreciation of difference. If you’re holding yourself back and not expressing your true self, not living with a sense of integrity, because you fear your partner’s disapproval and crave their validation, then you are not being truly intimate.

When you interact like this you cannot have good communication, that quality so espoused by the self help gurus. Look, of course communication is essential, it’s how it’s done that matters. Too often communication is equated with speaking, whereas communication is effected through so many ways, not just spoken. Even considering the verbal aspect, more is communicated through tone of voice and body posture than the actual words (which is why arguing never works because the arguers are reacting to the tone not the content). But communication also occurs through touch, looks, through silence, through action, and definitely through sex. In fact when a couple have truly intimate sex they communicate their inner beings far more profoundly than any conversation could ever do.

Receiving the content of the communication is also crucial to effective conveying of meaning. But what is receiving content and how are you expected to respond? When the communication is spoken, listening openly to the other person is important, but it doesn’t have to be in rapt wonderment, affirming every utterance in mutual accord. Listen with respect, certainly, but not under any pressure to agree.

Just as importantly, being open to communication in non-verbal ways is essential to true intimacy, you can’t just expect verbal cues. Your partner expresses feelings and thoughts constantly, in actions, gestures, moods, silences, and of course, in making love with true intimacy.

Even being open to this type of communication requires true intimacy, because it requires you to show your real self without needing validation from the other person, and without feeling that you have to give it to the other person. True intimacy is not expressed through jealousy, fear or anxiety.

True intimacy requires integrity of your self. You need to show yourself and be seen. To do that you need separation, difference, distance, a sense of ‘other’.

This is essential for good relationship, and it is essential for good sex. Why? Because only with true intimacy can you express your sexuality without fear of rejection or displeasure by your partner. It’s only when you can truly know and express your eroticism that you can enjoy the other key element to extraordinary sex: erotic tension.

10 Tips for Men’s Sexual Health

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

All men want to be healthy, and in many cases, they try and take care of themselves by watching what they eat, getting exercise on a regular basis, and managing the stress in their lives. But many men are unaware that they can also take care of their sexual health and prevent problems before they occur.

Here are 10 tips for men to keep in mind for maximum sexual health:

  • Eat a healthy diet – Many men are surprised to learn that what they eat can affect their sexual performance, but it does.  By eating healthy foods that are rich in nutrients and low in fats, you will keep your “sexual” system in good working order.  Strive for plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean cuts of meat, whole grains and low-fat milk.
  • Get regular exercise – Men who live a “couch potato” lifestyle may soon find themselves with sexual problems.  By “getting up and moving” you will be taking an active role in maintaining your sexual health.  Check with your physician, and then start a program of regular exercise that includes walking, cycling, tennis or whatever you find enjoyable.
  • Stop smoking – Many doctors agree that smoking can be a major cause of sexual dysfunction in men.  Studies have found that a major of men who suffer from ED are smokers, and that smoking can also reduce sperm count and quality.  Smoking damages the small arteries that feed blood to the penis, making it difficult at times to maintain an erection.
  • Reduce your alcohol intake – While you may enjoy the buzz you feel when you drink alcoholic beverages, you are putting yourself at risk for ED.  Alcohol may make you feel sexier by lowering inhibitions, but it also reduces libido, causes erection problems, and often times impairs the ability to have an orgasm.
  • Learn to manage stress in your life – Stress can leave you feeling exhausted, worried, uptight and very nervous, and can also lead to sexual problems as well.  If you allow stress to manage your life, instead of the other way around, your life will soon feel as if it is out of control.  Learn stress management techniques, find ways to handle anger and sadness, and you will be doing your part to maintain your sexual health (and your sanity).
  • Do Kegel exercises – Usually associated with women, Kegel exercises can increase sexual enjoyment in men as well.  Kegels are a way to strengthen the muscles that connect the base of the penis with the tailbone.  These muscles act to control the flow of fluids through the urethra, so by learning how to control them, you can delay ejaculation to heighten your orgasm.  To learn how these muscles feel, try stopping the flow of urine the next time you urinate.  These are the muscles you need to tighten, so to do Kegels, just squeeze the muscles, hold them for a few seconds, and then relax them.  By contracting these muscles, you gradually build up their strength, and your pleasure.
  • Use lubricants – As men grow older, they often experience a gradual loss of sensitivity in their penis.  Lubricants can help men with this problem to gain a freer range of motion, and increase sexual enjoyment.
  • Have a yearly check-up with your doctor – It is no secret that men do not like going to the doctor, but if you want to maintain your overall (and sexual) health, you should make sure that you have a physical at least once a year.
  • Avoid illegal substances – Unfortunately, some men will take illegal drugs to get high, thinking that it will enhance their sexual experience.  But it most cases, it has the opposite effect.  If you want to avoid ED, then avoid illegal substances.
  • Maintain a positive attitude – Medical studies prove that men who have a positive attitude towards life also enjoy a problem free sex life as well.  So, adjust your attitude to a positive one, and enjoy the benefits!

Overall it is important that men become more attuned to, and confident with, their bodies, aware of their desires, needs and fantasies, and respectful of what their bodies are capable of doing. It all adds up to happy healthy men who just happen to be good lovers too!

Why do guys get sleepy after sex?

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

For many women, the correlation between sex and snoring is one of those annoying facts of life: no matter when passionate encounters occur, men always seem to fall asleep immediately afterwards. Dave Zinczenko, the author of Men, Love and Sex: The Complete User Guide For Women, explained the phenomenon to Huffington Post writer Arianna Huffington this way:  “Men go to sleep because women don’t turn into a pizza.”

I doubt I am ever going to become a pizza, and I’ll never have the foresight to order one beforehand. So in lieu of a cure, a better explanation will have to do. Although women sometimes feel sleepy after sex, the phenomenon does seem more pronounced in men. What is it, then, that spirals them into the land of nod?

First, the obvious reasons for sex’s somnolent sway: the act frequently takes place at night, in a bed, and is, after all, physically exhausting (often more so for the man than the woman, although this certainly varies). So when sex is over, it’s natural for a guy to feel sleepy.

Secondly, research using positron emission tomography (PET) scans has shown that in order for a person to reach orgasm, a primary requirement is to let go of “all fear and anxiety.” Doing so also tends to be relaxing and might explain the tendency to snooze.

Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.

Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.

(Side note: prolactin also explains why men are sleepier after intercourse than after masturbation. For unknown reasons, intercourse orgasms release four times more prolactin than masturbatory orgasms, according to a recent study.)

Oxytocin and vasopressin, two other chemicals released during orgasm, are also associated with sleep. Their release frequently accompanies that of melatonin, the primary hormone that regulates our body clocks. Oxytocin is also thought to reduce stress levels, which again could lead to relaxation and sleepiness.

What about the evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness? This is trickier to explain. Evolutionarily speaking, a man’s primary goal is to produce as many offspring as possible, and sleeping doesn’t exactly help in his quest. But perhaps since he cannot immediately run off with another woman anyway—damn that recovery time!—re-energizing himself via sleep may be the best use of his time.

And although there is conflicting information as to whether women feel sleepy after sex, a woman often falls asleep with the man anyway (or uses it for some key cuddling time), which is good news for him: it means she is not off finding another mate. When the man wakes up and she’s still there, he just might be ready to go again.  In their 2006 book Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?, Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D. suggest that exertion during sex depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen. Because men usually have more muscle mass, they get more tired. And it’s entirely possible that women get just as sleepy, just as fast as men do after orgasm, but women simply have orgasms during sex less often than men do.

It’s also possible that sleepiness is just a “side effect” associated with a more evolutionarily important reason for the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. In addition to being associated with sleep, both chemicals are also intimately involved in what is called “pair bonding,” the social attachment human mates commonly share. The release of these brain chemicals during orgasm heightens feelings of bonding and trust between sexual partners, which may partially explain the link between sex and emotional attachment. This bond is favorable should the couple have a baby, as cooperative child rearing maximizes the young one’s chances for survival.

The bottom line is this: there are many potential biochemical and evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness, some direct and some indirect—but no one has yet pinpointed the exact causes. One thing, however, is certain: we females better get used to it, because it doesn’t look likely to change anytime soon.

I will leave frustrated Australian women with one final thought: if you are upset at the ubiquity of the post-sex snoring phenomenon, remember that things could be a lot worse. A recent survey of 10,000 English men revealed that 48 percent actually fall asleep during sex.

Talk about coitus interruptus!

Online dating etiquette

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

More of us are turning to the internet in our search for ‘The One’. From specialist social networks like Fetlife to traditional services like E-Harmony that promise big results there are literally hundreds of virtual worlds where you can hopefully find that perfect partner.

Here’s a short guide to choosing a reputable dating service, find like-minded individuals and meet up safely.

Finding a service


  • Check that your online dating service offers background checks  on their members; many of the major ones will tell you if they do this on their safety pages, although this isn’t that common yet in Australia
  • Persevere – success doesn’t always happen overnight.
  • If you are unhappy about the way things are going, contact the website as soon as possible to give them a chance to rectify the situation.
  • Check what age group the majority of members are in. Some services are targeted at young people or young professionals  in particular.


  • Join the first online dating website you find. Some are free, whilst others have a subscription fee. Look around for popular sites that are reasonably priced.
  • Join a service that refuses to give you details of its fees on the phone or on its website.
  • Part with any money unless you are certain the site is reputable and trustworthy.

Creating your profile


  • Have a separate email address that you are happy to put on your profile for everybody to see.
  • Upload a couple of up-to-date photos – but make sure they’re ones you wouldn’t mind your mother seeing!
  • List your interests and hobbies. You could also add a paragraph describing who you’d like to talk to and what you’re looking for.


  • Put your telephone number or home address on your profile.
  • Misspell or write in CAPITALS. This can come across as rude or pushy.
  • Be disheartened if you don’t get many emails at first. Writing a good profile takes practice. Try to sound positive and add some interesting facts about yourself.

Finding the right person

  • Use the search function to find people who live locally or who have similar interests.
  • If the service has a forum, particapate  in discussions.
  • Be proactive. If you find someone you like the sound of, don’t be afraid to email them first.

Emailing somebody


  • Chat about your interests and ask about theirs.
  • Respond promptly. If you’re not interested, just send a polite: “Thankyou for your message but I’m unable to chat with you at the moment”


  • Give out your bank details or important personal details.
  • Hesitate to block or report someone if they harass you or send unwanted emails.

Beware of

  • Scammers who will try to gain your trust before claiming to be ill or stranded abroad and desperately in need of money. Others may say they want to meet you but don’t have enough money to travel.
  • People who are in inconsistent with their details. Sometimes, married men use online services and lie by pretending they are single.

Arranging the first meeting

  • Try to have several telephone conversations or email exchanges so that you know a little more about each other before you meet.
  • Don’t meet at your home or their home. It’s far safer to meet in a public place during daylight hours, e.g. afternoon coffee or a quick lunchtime drink.
  • Don’t accept a lift to or from the date – make your own way there and back.
  • Take a mobile phone with you.
  • Tell a friend whereyou’re going and when to expect you home.

On the day


  • Be positive – a cheerful attitude to life is much more appealing than a negative one.
  • Be polite if you decide you don’t want to meet up again. Don’t promise you’ll ring if you have no intention of doing so.
  • Be yourself – don’t pretend to be something you’re not!


  • Talk endlessly about your failed relationships – it can be off-putting!
  • Drink too much, even if you are nervous. Although it’s unlikely, try and get your own drink and look after it to ensure it isn’t spiked
  • Feel pressurised into starting a physical relationship if you don’t think the time is right.

3 Popular Sex Products We Say NO To…

Friday, February 25th, 2011

They’ve been on the market so long that many people don’t know they may not be good for them – let us share with you the big 3 No-No’s!

1. KY Jelly

Ok, so it’s not the only personal lubricant out there that contains so many chemicals it resembles a public pool, but it is the most recognisable, the most marketed, the most hyped, and the most easily found.  So it leads the discussion at MaXXX Black more than any other lube on the supermarket/pharmacy shelf. So many people ask for it by name it scares us. Why is it so bad?

Old school lubricants like KY-Jelly were developed for use in the medical field, not for sexual pleasure or sexual activity. Typically it was, and is, used to lubricate instruments like scopes, thermometers and catheters prior to insertion.

The reason is gets on our NO list is because, despite thousands of reasons why they shouldn’t, Johnson and Johnson still make KY-Jelly with lots of petro-chemical ingredients,  hydroxyethylcellulose, and more importantly – glycerin.

Glycerin is a ‘sugar-alcohol’ that helps make KY taste sweeter. Yeast feeds on sugar. So if you are prone to yeast infections KY could actually make it worse.

Hydroxyethylcellulose is used as a thickener and to reduce the foaming nature of other ingredients in the product. Unfortunately more and more people are finding they are sensitive to this ingredient with reports of side effects including itching, burning, hives and swelling. It is an ingredient that should not be consumed or absorbed by women who are pregnant or nursing.

The good news is that if you haven’t experienced discomfort from mainstream lubricants than you probably aren’t allergic or hypersensitive to them. But if you want to err on the side of caution we suggest you stick to natural or glycerin and paraben free products.

2. Anal-Ease

There has always been a fascination with playing ‘back there’. Now we’re sure you know it can be an area that is very sensitive needs lots of careful foreplay for pleasurable activities. But since we humans can get carried away with our eagerness for new things we sometimes want to skip ahead a few steps and go for broke.

Problem is that can cause all sorts of pain and as a result there are lots of companies out there producing sprays, lotions and topical solutions that claim to make it “easy”.

One of the best known is Anal-Ease. Anal Ease is a lubricant (of which there are many) and spray that is marketed for anal sex and contains a numbing agent. Usually Lidocaine or Benzocaine. Sound familiar? It should. It’s usually what your dentist uses to numb you before coming at you with a drill.

Now anal sex should not be painful. If it hurts, STOP. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re soing isn’t the right thing. Listen to your body. Go slow, work up to penetration, add lots of lube and talk to your partner about what they are doing and what feels right (and wrong).

Numbing agents like Anal Ease literally numb your backside and therefore put you in danger of hurting yourself.  Using products like these often lead people to go farther, harder and do more than they normally would and that can cause all manner of nightmares. We won’t go into the real yucky detail but you can imagine everything with one word – tearing.

Besides exercising the area with gentle-sized toys and regular light play, plus the right lubricant, there are other alternatives to products like Anal Ease. One of the latest is Pjur Back Door Comfort Spray.

Pjur Back Door Anal Comfort Spray was specifically developed for play from behind. The active ingredients are formulated to make the skin and tissue significantly more elastic – which means you can do things you’ve never done before and feel the full benefit of great anal play.

Lauromacrogol slightly desensitises because it helps to relax the anal sphincter for better sensations without numbing. The addition of Penthenol gives Pjur Back Door Spray it’s relaxing effect without the use of benzocaine or lidocaine. Plus it’s condom-safe!

Top Gun For Men Herbal Extracts Is Dangerous3. Herbal Viagra

These are found under the counter (and sometimes on it in plain view) in adult stores across the country. They usually claim to be a completely herbal natural supplement that will work like the major erectile drugs Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

The problem is – the are not what they claim to be.

Marketed under names like Niagra, Naturamaz, Nymphomax, Levitrax and Top Gun, they all claim some all-natural formulation that will work just like one of the major drugs. The issue we have with them is threefold:

  1. Most do not have Therapeutic Goods Administration approval – so you don’t know they have been tested for safety.
  2. They are often laced with the real thing.
  3. They contain other ingredients that for a healthy person can cause big problems.

The reason you need to go to a GP to get a presecription for erectile drugs is that they can all trigger other health issues. If you have any heart, liver or kidney issues the major drugs can be a big problem indeed. You woudn’t want a heart attack in the middle of your session now would you? There is no telling what drug or how much of it will be in the ‘herbal’ pills unlike the prescription ones which your doctor can monitor.

The other thing is that erectile drugs increase the production of Testosterone in the body. If your testosterone levels are normal then these products will spike them above average which can lead to hyper-aggression for up to 48 hours after you take the pill.

There are perfectly safe natural alternatives available at your local health food store and even in some supermarkets. These have been tested for safety and can be very effective – not just for erections but also for that happy horny feeling too. If in doubt we highly recommend talking to a naturopath about the options. There is one in every natural health food store.


Designed To Make Sex Better!

Pjur, makers of some of our favourite lubricants, have launched an all new product that is designed with your comfort and safety in mind. And we love it!

Pjur Back Door Anal Comfort Spray was specifically developed for play from behind. The active ingredients are formulated to make the skin and tissue significantly more elastic – which means you can do things you’ve never done before and feel the full benefit of great anal play.

Lauromacrogol slightly desensitises because it helps to relax the anal sphincter for better sensations without numbing. The addition of Penthenol gives Pjur Back Door Spray it’s relaxing effect without the use of benzocaine or lidocaine. Plus it’s condom-safe!