Posts Tagged ‘advice’

Laura Antoniou’s BDSM Workshops in Adelaide and Canberra

Friday, May 10th, 2013

Academycover1If you are in Adelaide and looking for some naughty education THIS WEEKEND, this is a last minute reminder for anyone interested in Laura Antoniou’s series of BDSM of Workshops.

Laura is the best selling author of the famous Marketplace book series and is making her first ever appearance in Adelaide!

She will be presenting a series of workshops on D/s, relationships and play based on her 20+ years of kink lifestyle and catering for newbies to experienced players. and everything in between.

Uber, the organisation hosting Laura, will also be heading to Canberra NEXT WEEK for the first time ever! There are also two workshops available in Canberra as outlined below.


Adelaide Workshops

Friday May 10th @ 7pm – Starting D/s in the bedroom

Saturday May 11th @ 11:30pm – The way of it: creating protocols

Saturday May 11th @ 2:30pm – Training Your Own Sex Slave

Sunday May 12th @ 11:30am – For your own good: punishment

Sunday May 12th @ 2:30pm – Serious Players


Canberra Workshops

Thursday May 16th @ 7pm – The way of it: creating protocols

Thursday May 16th @ 7pm – For your own good: punishment


For further details or ticket information please contact Uber Services

Stronic Eins – a whole new kind of simulation stimulation!

Thursday, May 9th, 2013

German brand Fun Factory has definitely raised the bar in the toy industry with this entirely innovative never-before-seen motor technology of their Stronic series! To put it mildly, I certainly did not say nein to reviewing the Stronic Eins.

Warning-this is NOT your traditional style of vibrator. But, if you are looking to try something entirely different I definitely suggest having a play with the Pulsator!

Instead of offering traditional vibrations, the Stronic Eins delivers a fun thrusting, back and forth movement for a more realistic experience. To get technical, the motor contains solid metal which moves in a hollow body to produce deep frequency pulsating thrusts. It is a completely unique experience.

Because of the thrusting movement the toy does need to be held in place, however only lightly as you should let the toy take you on it’s personal joy-ride! As with most Fun Factory products, this toy is made from a beautiful thick and soft silicone which always feel luscious on the body. Plus it has all the perks of a deluxe toy being beautifully designed, rechargeable, water-proof, lockable and has many easy-to use stimulation modes- just scroll through using the + and – button.

With 10 different stimulation modes, the toy has a lot of different styles of fun thrusts to offer! Personally, I think that the fifth mode is the most interesting as it starts with a purring rev-up and then delivers a slow rocking thrust!

Plus I love that they have an Emergency OFF! (or as I prefer to call it the Emergency ON!)button- the ‘FUN’ button.

In terms of pleasure, the G-spot is stimulated in a different way to other vibrators as the back and forth movement against the G-spot increases your arousal and continues to build.

I always believe different toys cater to different moods, the Stronic Eins definitely serves its purpose when you’re wanting a bit more action or something a bit more dynamic out of a toy.

The main reason why this toy does not receive a 10/10 rating from me is because the slightly raised mound on the toy designed for clitoral stimulation does not really offer much in that department. I would suggest to use this toy in conjunction with another clitoral toy or if Fun Factory could add a vibrating tickler to this toy in the next generation, it would be THE toy that stole the show!

However, for a purely internal toy it is a truly fun and one-of-a-kind experience and is one that I think every girl should try once(if not more)!

I would also suggest that this toy should be used by intermediate or advanced vibrator users as it is quite different from your standard toy. For first time or beginner players, I would recommend starting with a traditional vibrator and then adding this to your collection later.

Stronic Drei and Zwei

                                                                     STRONIC ZWEI                 STRONIC DREI

As for the boys you haven’t been forgotten! The Stronic Zwei is the latest addition from Fun Factory’s Stronic series to be released-so imagine this same concept but back-door friendly.

And COMING SOON. . . is the Stronic Drei ,which is designed for those who like that extra ribbed feel whether for back-door or vaginal penetration.

Step to the side oh mighty vibrator, there’s a new toy in town. Introducing, The Pulsator.

The Stronic Eins and the Stronic Zwei are now available at Max Black.

Boys, never fear the vibrator…remember every Super Hero has a side-kick!

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

So, boys listen up! There’s a huge MYTH that needs debunking. You know, the age old story where girl meets vibrator, girl and vibrator become best friends and then boy is forgotten.

I would like to argue quite the opposite! Just as you boys may enjoy a little solo-playtime, whether you are involved with someone or not, so do us girls. And I hear you shouting out,

“But then she would spend all her time with her toy not me!”

But think about this, there is nothing that will EVER replace the feeling of the real deal and you can never emulate that sense of touch, embrace or intimacy with a toy. Also, has anyone ever seen a vibrator open a car door for you? I know I haven’t. And if you have, please send documented evidence as Max will need to get those vibrators in stock ASAP. But seriously, never fear . . .you boys are not going anywhere!

Who’s to say you can’t play with these toys together, in fact I encourage experimenting with this. Why not take the steering wheel and drive? The toy is but an object that YOU are directing, YOU are the one that is behind this pleasure-inducing session. A toy shouldn’t lead to the destruction of your sex-life, it should rather lead to the seduction of your sex-life.

And remember, every woman is wired differently. Some women orgasm from penetration, some do not. Some women only orgasm from clitoral stimulation and some women only reach orgasm with the help of a toy (and the list goes on!). So, boys we are certainly not saying that you are not skilled, but perhaps introducing a toy to the bedroom could enhance and heighten playtime together, making it even better, or creating an orgasm-enhancing situation which is always a win!

They say behind every great man is a great women, well flip it and reverse it, and I say behind every great women is a great man (with a vibrator-wink!).

JD- Lelo Smart Wand

Armed with the right toys you can transform yourself into a Super Hero of the bedroom. I mean could you imagine Johnny Depp armed with the LELO Smart Wand? That makes me double weak in the knees and is definitely the equation for a Bedroom Super Hero. They always say dress the part, so boys why not accessorize with the right toys and your birthday suit and play Super Hero for a night.

So, instead of eying down that vibrator as your arch-nemesis why not turn foe to friend and make that toy your wing-man! Remember every superhero has a side-kick.

How To Have A Naughty Holiday!

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
Article Originally Published on BetterSexNetwork by Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD

With our northern neighbours soaking up the sunshine (and rubbing it in our collective televisual faces) and our own weather managing more frosty than frisky, our thoughts naturally turn to that tropical getaway,  or a spot of travel in a warmer, northern cliamate. What with international travel prices so low at the moment now is a perfect time to plan a naughty holiday. Cities from London to Tokyo to New Orleans have erotic scenes beyond your wildest dreams, just waiting to be tapped by pleasure-seekers.

In addition to booking your flight, choosing a hotel, and getting romantic restaurant recommendations, investigate where to go in cultivating your carnal side vis–à–vis local culture. Check out annual guides that are published exclusively on everything sex-related to a city, like Paris Sexy, getting leads on titillations like…


Kick off your holiday with some R&R, namely a decadent, sensual massage. Such spa treatment will help to reconnect you with your body, getting you in a sexy state of mind and helping you to relax (a much needed component of eventually getting sexually revved!). Enjoy, too, being buffed and bathed with a hot soak, scrub down, or steam bath. This is your time to leave your regular life behind (at least temporarily) and prime yourselves for pure eroticism.


Adult Stores:

Sexual enhancement boutiques can range from the high-end to the trashy, depending on the mood you’re in. Whether you want a store resembling a modern art gallery or like the lewd, equip yourselves with an array of intimate private time products. Leisurely browse impressive assortments of for-your-pleasure delights like vibrators, hand-blown dildos, sensual massage lotions, French ticklers, satin cuffs (with matching mask), custom-made crops or whips, erotic games… Don’t forget to pick up sensual bath and body products for some post-sex action as well, as you’re sure to have worked up a sweat in testing out your new toys!

Erotic bookstores & museums:

Lose yourselves in collections of erotic art, graphic novels, racy photographs, pornographic comics, adult-only reading and DVD selections, lewd postcards… you get the picture.


Lingerie boutiques: Whether buying for yourself or for your sweetie, indulge yourselves in ensembles of ‘barely there’s.’ Not only will such shopping make you feel sexier, you’ll feel naughtier as your fingers graze lacy G-strings and garter belts, as you choose a form-fitting velvet or leather corset, or as you slip on some sexy black seamed stockings, a sheer, babydoll teddy, or the infamous maid costume.

Fetish Fashion:

For those feeling bold enough to shop for fetishwear, check out local collections of latex lingerie, costumes, boots, and vinyl bustiers, amongst other props, for satisfying your fixations. Top off your purchase with some killer stilettos, a feather boa, or wig, but not before inquiring about any upcoming events or fetish parties the shop might be discreetly hosting or know about.


Cabarets & Burlesque shows: For those not into “raunch”, but hoping to soothe their need for the sensual, mesmerizing cabarets and burlesque shows can do just the trick. Offering a range of deliveries, from the sassy to the shocking, these art forms play with the power of suggestion via dance, storytelling, and parody, with the burlesque possibly offering partial striptease. Other sensually-focused entertainment experiences can include a city’s ballet, theatre, or opera performances (love that drama).

In the end, your vacation is all abut YOU and the person you travel with. It can be as relaxing, sultry, sexy, or dirty as you want it to be.

Just remember to check local laws regarding adult entertainment, alcohol and drugs, and even sex toys if you’re travelling outside of Europe or North America. Plus you should always remember to be stocked up on lubricant and condoms if you’re planning on playing with multiple partners – it’s not only responsible, it’s essential.

The Sex Coach: Allow Some Self-Indulgence!

Friday, November 11th, 2011

One of the absolute keys to good sex is the ability to let go, to surrender to the experience.

I’m going to speak directly to the ladies here, because the women are the ones who have more trouble in this area. Yet it’s actually more important that the woman let go for the couple to be able to reach heightened states of arousal and pleasure.

Essentially what women need to do is allow for self-indulgence.

Now there are some ‘princesses’ out there who are all about self-indulgence: me, me, me. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about all those women I see in my clinic and at workshops and in the street and in the school playground, etc, who can’t allow themselves to indulge. Especially sexually.

Sex as letting go, opening up, being real, actually requires you to allow for self-indulgence. As a woman it requires you to yield to your partner, to allow him to pleasure you and take you places of delicious wonder and ecstacy.

Men love to pleasure their woman. They love to take their partner to wonderful places. Men tell me over and over and over again how the best thing about sex is giving their partner pleasure, that there’s nothing better than seeing her in the throes of sexual pleasure.

Yet so many women hold themselves back from experiencing this pleasure. So many women hold back from allowing themselves the indulgence of letting him give them that pleasure.

Which is such a shame! Because this is what it takes. This is what Tantra is about. A woman allows her partner to pleasure her, she allows him to be a man, she allows herself to be a woman and surrender to delicious pleasure. The more she lets herself go in this way, the more pleasure there is for her, and therefore the more pleasure there is for him.

This is a completely different approach to the more common, ‘sex as duty’ or ‘sex as stress relief’ or ‘sex as performance’ approaches to sex that we have in society. This is ‘sex as letting go’, ‘sex as indulgence and heightened states of ecstasy’. This is truly good loving.

If as a woman you have trouble letting go to this extent, if you can’t allow yourself this indulgence, ask yourself why. Is it that you have blocks to pleasure? Is it that you have false beliefs about the purpose of sex? Are you buying into false beliefs about the roles of men and women in sex? Do you not really trust your partner enough? Do you not trust yourself enough?

If you do want to open up more to self-indulgence and allow for sexual pleasure, then please come and see me for private sessions, or attend my women’s workshop, Luscious Woman.

We’ll get you indulging again. You deserve it!

Advice: Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms Too…

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

Pursue something that will benefit both of you – discover your guy’s multi-orgasmic response! While a bit of an ambitious venture, the rewards are great, especially in that the ejaculatory control he must develop will make for longer, sweeter sex and increased sexual confidence in the sack. Not a bad way to improve intimacy, eh?

Now the whole process of becoming multi-orgasmic really boils down to a male’s interest and ability to explore his potential for such. There are some really good resources out there, like Mantak Chia’s The MultiOrgasmic Male and, that will get him well on his way to cosmic bliss. There are, however, few reads focusing exclusively on what female lovers can do to help him in this cause. So here’s what you can do to assist him in his efforts…

Understanding His Response
First things first, you need to know what’s going on with his body before you can be of any use. As he becomes aroused and erect, he’s passing through the excitement phase of his sexual response cycle, no problem. But it’s the next part that involves the ultimate control challenge – the contractile phase or emission phase.

Here, as his prostate contracts and empties semen into his urethra, he has to make a major decision: To carry on and enjoy the immediate gratification of ejaculation, or slow the pace and postpone maximum fulfillment, in hopes of multiple orgasms.

If he decides to hold off, he’ll stay in this contractile phase, experiencing a series of prostate contractions, a.k.a. pelvic orgasms or “contractile-phase orgasms.” In continuing to hold off, he’ll need to stay as close as possible to ejaculatory inevitability, that point of no return, without shooting a load.

What You Can Do
Before participating in any male multi-o partner exercise, both of you need to realize that this quest is not about pleasuring in the immediate sense. Some orgasmic sacrifices will have to be made for long-term benefits, and it’s important that neither of you become frustrated with the process or each other. Be sure to talk to each other about what’s expected of one another, reviewing the resources he’s using together.

Next, determine words both of you will use to signal when you should stop and start stimulation. Furthermore, use a condom, as this can help him maintain an erection and postpone ejaculation, making the process a bit easier for him. Lastly, during most sex acts and in many positions, you can push on his Million Dollar Point, the indentation on his perineum just in front of his anus, while asking him to contract his PC muscle. Doing this when he’s about to ejaculate can help to stop the ejaculatory reflex.

Where to Begin…
Giving him a hand-job is the best place to start. Using an un-lubricated hand, stimulate his penis, asking him for pointers on how he’d like to be stroked. As he approaches the point of ejaculatory inevitability, he needs to tell you to stop. After his arousal levels have fallen, he should ask you to resume.

Repeat these simple steps several times over several sessions, eventually using lubricant when he’s ready. More advanced stages of this exercise involve slowing the pace or changing your stroke rather than stopping entirely. Naturally, the two of you will graduate to having you provide the same kind of stimulation, only with your mouth on his penis, repeating the same start-stop steps.

In eventually advancing to intercourse after a series of manual and oral sex sessions, sit on his thighs and rub his erect penis on your inner thighs as he takes deep, relaxed breaths. After teasing him for a bit, take a break, then play with his penis again, this time against your pubic area. After another rest, rub his erection along your outer vaginal lips, pausing to put the head of the penis close to the opening. Continue to repeat these steps until he can go through the entire exercise without anxiety or the need to ejaculate.

Once at that level, place his erect penis at your vaginal opening. After a few seconds, place it about one inch into the vagina. Continue doing so, moving slowly, until he is completely inside of you. You need to stay still and let him be there for 15 minutes. If he loses his erection, contract your vaginal muscles (PC muscle) tight enough to get him hard again.

With practice, you’ll eventually be able to work to a sexual position that involves slow thrusting, slowly increasing movement and always letting him feel in control of the pace. Do not start thrusting to satisfy yourself! Repeat in different positions, eventually with both of you moving.

Note: Every man has the ability to develop his ejaculatory control and to possibly realize multiple orgasms. Furthermore, it’s best achieved in a positive, relaxed atmosphere. Multiple orgasms are not going to happen if you’re out for a quickie, or if you’re feeling rushed and stressed. This is a process that involves time, effort, and dedication. The results should be well worth all of it.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD – first published on bettersexnetwork.

The Sex Coach: Neuroplasticity = Moulding Your Brain For Sex

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

Greetings from Vietnam! I’m here for two weeks doing a spiritual retreat again. This week my partner, Oscar, is doing it as it’s his first time, and I’ll be doing next week’s as it’s my second. So I have a week to relax and reflect in an extremely beautiful and serene garden resort on the shores of the South China Sea.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing for my next book on female sexual archetypes – which will be a world first in the new literary genre of therapeutic erotica! More of that another time…

What has been interesting has been observing the participants of this week’s retreat. Over the five days of the retreat there has been an observable change in them, and they all report a significant change within themselves. Five days of guided meditations and discussions clearly shifts ‘stuff’ for people. This is a great example of neuroplasticity – the brain changing its circuitry. Given the opportunity for stillness and guided reflection, the circuits of these people are changing quite rapidly. This change in the brain allows for definite and continued positive change from here on.

I love the fact that brain researchers have proven this plasticity. Many years ago as an undergraduate biochemistry student studying neuroscience, I was dismayed that the thinking of the day was that the brain was simply a computer and the job of the scientist was to figure out what the bits were and how they interacted. I remember being scoffed at for suggesting it might be otherwise. So I didn’t pursue that line of study.

Now we know that the brain is a wonderful organic system that constantly changes and adapts to the inputs coming into it, all through life. So if your life is stressful and you input negative thoughts, your brain circuitry will reinforce and reflect that reality. That will become the filter through which you experience the world – as negative and stressful. If you have positive thoughts and experiences then your brain will reinforce and reflect that reality – you’ll be looking at the world with a rose-coloured brain!

It becomes a feedback loop – either increasingly negative or increasingly positive.

The exciting thing is that you can change your circuitry. Working on your personal growth is essentially about rewiring your brain.

Which brings me to sex. If you have negative views, expectations and experiences around sex you can change them to positive ones. You don’t have to be stuck in your ‘story’ (brain circuitry) that says that sex is scary/disgusting/sinful/odd/boring/painful/unnecessary/addictive. Your story about not being into sex because: you’re a mother/disabled/old/from a repressed background/a victim of abuse/too busy/too tired/too whatever; or your story that you’re entitled to sex because you’re a man/married/a helpless addict/a victim of abuse/stressed/whatever – can be changed.

One of the wonderful things about sex, is that you can change your neural wiring to more positive circuits while actually having sex, assuming it’s intimate sex. Just as the participants on the retreat here are making huge changes in a short amount of time through quietness and concentrated reflection, so can you make major sexual changes through a more sensual, subtle approach to sex and intimacy.

Making love in a beautiful environment, calm, soft and inviting is the start. Then progressing slowly with loving touch, melting hugs, feeling each others’ presence as much as your bodies, gazing into each others yes, gives your brain the time and space to rewire in positive ways. Over time, the wiring in your brain will respond to the thought of sex in a positive way, knowing that it is an enjoyable positive experience. It will send messages throughout your body to prepare it for pleasure through the release of hormones, muscle relaxation, slowing your heartbeat, etc.

When two people’s brains are wired sex-positively, they come together in openness, not anxiety/resignation/annoyance/fear of rejection, etc. The more you come together in this way, the stronger the wiring becomes and the easier it is to enjoy love-making.

This applies to solo sex too. The more you send positive messages to your brain, the more you experience enjoyable solo sex, the better the brain rewires to reinforce the view that solo sex (and the genitals involved) is good.

It’s important that you reinforce this rewiring in the whole of your life. Surround yourself with things and experiences that heighten your senses, your enjoyment of life. Avoid people with a sex-negative view of the world and reach out and interact with people with a positive view. Reading this newsletter is a great example! As is attending my workshops, or seeing me privately.

Remember it’s a positive feedback loop, the more positivity you put in your life, the more positive it becomes, and due to neuralplasticity, it becomes increasingly easier to be more positive – until you get to the point where it’s your natural state of being and you can’t help but be joyful!

Who’s brain are we talking about? Yours. So it’s up to you to take control of your brain, make the choice to feed it positively. Honour your life and your role in creating it whichever way you choose. Your brain will back you up on that, but you’re the creator.

The Sex Coach: Before Play Suggestions

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

Given how busy and distracted we all are, it’s the ‘getting to sex’ stage that’s the most challenging for modern couples. I call this stage of sex ‘beforeplay’. It’s the transition phase necessary to remove you from the stresses of the day, and get the two of you connecting, maintaining the ‘mmm’ factor and building up some of that erotic tension.

And getting there should be fun! You don’t have to go all out to change the mood and get things going…

  • Lounge around the house in sexy and sensual lounging-round-the-house gear (a la Peter Alexander, ie comfy and sexy)
  • Take the dog for a walk together in the evening (preferably you in a skirt with no knickers underneath)
  • Sit on the back verandah together after dinner drinking wine and looking out at the stars (above dress code applies)
  • Read good quality erotica

  • Cook/eat/clean up dinner naked, or wearing just a robe and nothing underneath
  • Hang out in your bedroom together having a cup of tea and a chat
  • Play backgammon or do a jigsaw puzzle together
  • Sit either end of the couch and give yourselves foot massages

  • Have a bath and have him come in and give you a foot massage, or just sit on the bath and chat
  • Take dessert up to the bedroom and finish it there

  • Throw away the TV – ok, maybe a bit destructive, but the TV is the biggest anti-sex device ever created [MaXXX Agrees! Turn the telly off, even if it’s just for a few hours, it will change the mood in your home entirely and let you focus on something other than George Negus)

It’s not the most ‘out there’ phase of sex, but it is the most important.  Most people need time to transition into sex (men as much as women).

So, with these ideas in mind, what gets ­you warmed up and ready for some lovin?

Get this phase (BeForePlay) right and you’ll set yourselves up for sex that is as hot/sensual/wild/loving/kinky/adventurous/deep as it can possibly be!

The Sex Coach: True Intimacy

Saturday, June 25th, 2011

Self help books, women’s magazines and traditional therapists extol the virtues of intimacy as the way to improve your relationship and therefore have better sex. The two key aspects to this ‘intimacy’ are:  1) to become more connected by spending more time together, and 2) to communicate (by speaking) every little thing about yourself, and conversely listening wondrously in rapt attention agreeing in perfect accord with every utterance.

Which would imply most of us haven’t got a snowflake’s chance in hell of having a decent sex life…

Fear not. You can breathe a sigh of relief because this means that in fact you will avoid that stifling arrangement of co-dependent ‘intimacy’ we too often think is the prerequisite for ‘happily ever after”.

Now certainly intimacy does require connection and communication, but it’s the how, the what and the how much that matters. Let’s look at the two fundamental aspects of intimacy – connection and communication – debunk a few myths and look at what really matters.

First, connection. Supposedly we need to have lots of quality time together to feel intimate. But in fact you don’t have to even be physically near each other to feel connected. Especially in this digital age there are myriad ways to connect without being physically present. Even when you are together, it doesn’t have to be ‘quality’ time, i.e. time that is spent highly focused on each other, more of that rapt attention stuff. Just spending time together in an unfocused hanging-out kind of way can actually be a better way of enjoying each other’s company than high intensity time together. (How often have you seen couples in restaurants eating without speaking? Not a lot of intimate connection going on there. They’d be better off doing the gardening together or going for a walk where there is more distraction, less intensity and surprisingly more ease of connection).

We’re also supposed to improve our ‘connection’ by sharing common interests and learning to enjoy those that aren’t in common. Well, that’s not necessary either. While it’s good to have some interests in common, you don’t have to have everything in common, and there’s no onus on you to learn to like those that aren’t. There’s nothing wrong with having different interests, it doesn’t mean you’re not suited, it doesn’t mean you’re not close. Quite the opposite, maintaining connection in the face of difference is bonding if you respect and appreciate the difference.

This can be intimidating for some people though. They fear that sense of separateness. They fear that if they’re not fused they could lose the other person. These people become jealous and fiercely attached to their partner. Any sense of flirting is felt as potential or actual infidelity and is the hovering angel of death to the relationship. There is no trust, only a desperate clinging. This is not true intimacy.

It’s also intimidating because of the threat of rejection. If your partner is different to you then they may not agree with you and that can be a frightening thing. It’s scary to know that the person whose opinion you value the most and whose agreement you crave might reject your thought or action or opinion. Shock, horror, that could cause disharmony, and we all know that the “perfect relationship” is harmonious.

It might be, but not through fear of difference, only through appreciation of difference. If you’re holding yourself back and not expressing your true self, not living with a sense of integrity, because you fear your partner’s disapproval and crave their validation, then you are not being truly intimate.

When you interact like this you cannot have good communication, that quality so espoused by the self help gurus. Look, of course communication is essential, it’s how it’s done that matters. Too often communication is equated with speaking, whereas communication is effected through so many ways, not just spoken. Even considering the verbal aspect, more is communicated through tone of voice and body posture than the actual words (which is why arguing never works because the arguers are reacting to the tone not the content). But communication also occurs through touch, looks, through silence, through action, and definitely through sex. In fact when a couple have truly intimate sex they communicate their inner beings far more profoundly than any conversation could ever do.

Receiving the content of the communication is also crucial to effective conveying of meaning. But what is receiving content and how are you expected to respond? When the communication is spoken, listening openly to the other person is important, but it doesn’t have to be in rapt wonderment, affirming every utterance in mutual accord. Listen with respect, certainly, but not under any pressure to agree.

Just as importantly, being open to communication in non-verbal ways is essential to true intimacy, you can’t just expect verbal cues. Your partner expresses feelings and thoughts constantly, in actions, gestures, moods, silences, and of course, in making love with true intimacy.

Even being open to this type of communication requires true intimacy, because it requires you to show your real self without needing validation from the other person, and without feeling that you have to give it to the other person. True intimacy is not expressed through jealousy, fear or anxiety.

True intimacy requires integrity of your self. You need to show yourself and be seen. To do that you need separation, difference, distance, a sense of ‘other’.

This is essential for good relationship, and it is essential for good sex. Why? Because only with true intimacy can you express your sexuality without fear of rejection or displeasure by your partner. It’s only when you can truly know and express your eroticism that you can enjoy the other key element to extraordinary sex: erotic tension.

For Her Pleasure: Sexilicious Tips for Guys

Friday, June 3rd, 2011
Original article courtesy of BetterSexNetwork

Every month, men’s magazines are packed full of articles on how to be a better lover, how to maximize her pleasuring, and how to have the best sex ever. With so much information coming your way, it can be a bit overwhelming to identify what’s truly good advice versus what amounts to no more than rubbish. In helping you in your better sex efforts, making things more ‘sexilicious’ for your female lover (and ultimately you), boils down to the following…

1. The Clitoris. The more you know, the better. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.  Many men roughly fumble their way down a lady’s panties, hoping they’ll strike gold.   So learn some tricks, or at least get to know this part of her really well. First, know where to find the clitoris and what it feels like. Ask her to guide your hand in showing you what feels right. She’ll feel a connectedness in your concern.

[MB: Our recent article on the clitoris may shed some light on the topic – CLICK HERE to read it]

2. Have a silky smooth lubricant, like Astroglide, handy. This is key: It can make all of the difference in the world. Third, skillfully play with her. Rub her clitoris in an up/down or circular motion. Vary the pressures and ask her what feels best. Lay off every now and then if the sensations get to be too much for her. As your working her clitoris, massage her pubic area. Insert a finger (or more) into her vagina, using a circular or thrusting motion. Tug at or stroke her inner lips to further get her going!

2. Go Down Boys! Exude sexual confidence by becoming a cunninlingus expert. Oral sex is where it’s at for most women. Start by kissing her all over, working your way to her clitoris. Suck on it, lick it – vary intensities. Harden your tongue and use quick darting motions to stimulate the entire genital area – her inner lips, vaginal opening, rectal area – and once you’ve struck gold, maintain your tongue rhythm in that spot. Ease off every now and then when she can’t take any more. Indulge yourself in her treasure. Moan like you can’t get enough. Insert a finger into her vagina or anus for more stimulation. Kick things up a notch by sucking on a menthol as you’re going to town, or do a shot of mint Schnapps for the sensation it provides. One last tip: Shave – your baby smooth skin is going to feel much better than brush burn on her inner thighs.

3. Develop more control. The longer you can hold off, the likelier she is to orgasm (and more than once) during sex. Since some men tend to cum before women, you need to let her sexual response cycle catch up with your own. Increase orgasm intensity by learning to control your ejaculation using Kegel exercises for your pelvic floor muscles.

4. Make friends with a vibrator. Instead of being threatened by this mechanical device, be empowered by it. Your lover will be most impressed as you take charge of her orgasmic potential, working a vibrator up and down her clitoral, mons, and anal area, in a circular motion as you hold her and feel her body shudder from ecstasy time and time again. Or send her to the moon the next time you have sex and dare to work the vibrator on her clitoris as your thrusting her!

5. Don’t forget about the rest of her body. As the body’s biggest organ, our skin is ignored all too often. Rather than take a cooking class to meet women, take a massage class to keep women. In the glow of candlelight, treat her to a rub down with baby oil. Pay special attention to her back, her shoulders, her neck, and her feet. Give her light kisses and tell her you can’t get enough of her. She will be putty in your hands.

Author: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD.