Archive for January, 2012

Jacqueline Hellyer: Awaken Your Vagina

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

{editor – this article will be most helpful for heterosexual couples, though we think every woman will enjoy it}

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Would you like your vagina to be exquisitely sensitive, alive to nuance and sensation and responsive to ecstatic subtleties?

Then you need to wake up your vagina!

Unfortunately our focus in this society on the harder side of sex, the ‘peaks’ rather than the ‘valleys’ of sex, means that many women have energetically ‘hardened their vaginas. The focus on the ‘bigger, harder, faster’, rather than the ‘slower, softer, subtler’, means that women have lost the ability to sense subtlety and softness through the walls of their vaginas. If you can’t feel in your vagina then you either need increasingly more intense stimulation, or you forget about the vagina and focus on the clitoris as your primary sexual organ, (which is fine, but limited) – or you give up on sex altogether because it just doesn’t feel like much.

When your vagina is awake though, it becomes so sensitive in the most delightful of ways! It becomes highly receptive and attuned to subtle energies and exquisite variations of sensation.

This is very different to the intense thrusting most of us view as good sex (although as I always stress, I’ve got nothing against a good shag, just that it’s only one aspect of good sex!).

To wake your vagina up, you need to spend time being purely receptive. The easiest way to do this is to have some lovely non-genital foreplay (especially kissing) with your partner so you’re feeling connected and yummy together. Then you lie back and relax and allow him to touch your body and your genitals, gently, tenderly and softly. Then when you really want to invite him inside you, only then you allow his penis in.

Have a sense of ‘enveloping’ his penis, feeling that you are embracing it with your vagina. Although you are receptive, you are not passive, energetically your vagina is awake and attuned.

With his penis fully inside you, really feel it. Let him hold it still for a while, even for some minutes, then move very slowly and gently. (If he’s having trouble being so slow himself, practice wtih you on top first, barely moving, then moving in slow little circles around and around.) Relax and breathe to your belly. Feel what it’s like with and without eye contact. Try some gentle contractions with your vagina, giving his penis a gentle massage with the walls of your vagina. Notice how different parts of your vagina feel.

Then slowly build up to stronger thrusts, all the while being aware of how your vagina is feeling and responding.

For those of us more used to a unisex approach to sex, where you’re both ‘giving’ to each other, rather than allowing one or the other to purely ‘receive’, then this approach might seem one-sided. Once you get used to it and have woken up your vagina, then you’ll understand why you need to approach it this way. The amazing sensations, and the orgasmic spaces you can go to with an awakened vagina engaging in ‘valley’ style sex, are just wonderful!

To learn more about becoming more fully into your feminine and being able to soften and open up in this way, I recommend you attend my women’s Tantra Fusion workshop Luscious Woman.

And I and my partner Oscar are available for private Tantra instruction and sex therapy.

Are You Kinky?

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Social Norms

Are you kinky?  That question could be answered in any variety of ways depending on who you ask.  Kinky is as kinky does and your degree of kinkiness is defined by what you consider kinky.  What may be vanilla sex to some people may be fetish play to others.

Every society develops norms, rules and standards for behavior.  The same is true for sexual behavior.  These standards vary from one society to the next, as well as in historical periods.  They result in dividing people into mainly two groups: those that conform and those who deviate from the “norm”.  In our current society, those that conform would fall into the category of vanilla sex, while those that do not would be called deviants or kinky.  What may be acceptable to one society during a certain place and time may be a crime in another.  In other words, human sexual behavior is a cultural construct, influenced by what a particular society deems acceptable.

In Western culture, our sexuality has been seriously repressed from the time we are young children and often lasts long into adulthood.  These inbred social taboos often plague people with guilt and insecurities, effectively stopping or slowing their exploration of “forbidden” desires.

Pop Culture

Yet, many women have at one time or another read an “erotic” novel and gotten turned on by it.  These Harlequin Romance types of stories usually have themes of conflict and surrender, in which the woman is swept away by a handsome rogue often by force as she cries, “No! No!” while inside she shivers with ecstasy.  Countless horror films turn the tables and put the woman in charge as the evil seductress who lures the man into their web of sex and deceit.  We have Scream Queens, Damsels in Distress, Vamps and Femmes Fatale, all icons of popular culture that hint at the hidden desires we have buried inside.

More and more “vanilla” partners are exploring their sexuality by living out their fantasies and discovering various types of sexual “play”.  From rough sex, to blindfolding, to playful spanking, KINK or BDSM is more mainstream than ever.

Fantasy

As children we learn to fantasize and play games to act these fantasies out.  When we become adults, many of us lose this ability to play.  But, being an adult does not mean you should deprive yourself of your sexual fantasies.  Acting out fantasies and role-playing can create greater trust and intimacy between partners as well as help them to achieve a more sexually fulfilling and exciting sexual life.

According to Nancy Friday, many male and female sexual fantasies revolve around submission and dominance, or some surrender of control.  Many sexual practices that are associated with paraphilias (or deviant sex) are becoming widely recognized as different and diverse forms of sexual play, or kinky sex, rather than a form of psychological deviancy.  When practiced safety, sanely and between consensual adults, these acts are considered by most to be just another form of sexual expression.

Types of Kink

Kink includes a wide spectrum of activities that are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of types of kinky activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include — but are not limited to — forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual role-playing, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream sexual interactions.

Role-playing

Role-playing is exactly what it sounds like: each partner takes on a usually complementary, but unequal, role in which they enact personas and sexual fantasies. Typically, one is the top or dominant (the giver) and one is the bottom or submissive (the receiver), but these roles and activities are also interchangeable.  Special forms of erotic role-play include age play, Doctor/nurse or Nurse/patient, Master/slave, Teacher/schoolgirl, puppy and pony-play, Goddess/worshipper, Punisher/victim, play rape scenarios as well as many others.

Dominance and Submission

Have you ever had someone hold your hands down while having sex?  If not, I highly recommend it as it is incredibly erotic.  My first experience with this was how I found out I was “slightly” kinky.  The simple action of holding someone down while have sex—rough dominant sex, if you will—is a form of dominance and submission.  Doesn’t sound too kinky does it?  Actually, sounds kind of fun!  Now, if one were to add silk scarves or rope to tie you to the bedposts, that would take this one step further and you might think that was rather kinky, but maybe still doable.  Or maybe you are getting wet just thinking about it?  What is important with any type of kinky play, or dominance and submission, is that you talk about your fantasies together, decide your wants and limits, and do so conscentually.

Bondage

As mentioned above, bondage, even being held down while having sex, can be for some people highly erotic.  The term “Bondage” describes the practice of restraining for pleasure.  Bondage, while kinky for some, is only another type of sexual expression for many couples or play partners, even in vanilla relationships.  Types of bondage include using rope, hand cuffs, spreader bars, or even suspension.  Another more “extreme” type of bondage is mummification in which someone is wrapped in plastic wrap or placed in bondage bags.  Muzzles, hoods and even ball gags are also considered bondage because they are in some way restrictive.

Sensation Play

Sensation play is a sensual way of touching your partner that is a wonderful form of erotic foreplay.  It can consist of tying someone up and tickling them with a feather, rubbing fur or silk over their flesh while blindfolded, pouring hot candle wax on your partner’s skin to turn up the heat, using ice cubes to awaken and entice, or applying a pinwheel or other sharp instruments of torture to add an element of danger and excitement.  Sensation play can add a level of eroticism that can bring your arousal to new heights of pleasure and passion.

Spanking

Spanking is also another popular kinky practice that has made its way into mainstream vanilla sex.  Spanking is a form of percussion play which is another form of touching someone that can be wildly erotic.  It can include anything from light, playful spanking to flagellation with whips and paddles, to caning, flogging and everything in between.  One person’s pain is another person’s pleasure.  People who enjoy percussion may have spanking fantasies they’d love to fulfill.  Many men and women enjoy the fantasy of being punished for real or imagined “bad behavior”.  Some people enjoy being put into a submissive position, while others enjoy the physical sensation of getting their backside (or other sexual parts) warmed up.

Of course there are literally hundreds of types of kink, including a long list of fetishes and paraphilias that one could explore or desire.  One person’s kink is another person’s vanilla.

So, are you kinky… yet?

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Source: popmycherry.com

Author: Domina Doll

Guide: How To Spot A Latex Knock-Off

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Source:  thefetishistas.com

Another year – another bunch of latex knock-off merchants

Several new latex piracy operations have recently come to the attention of expert copycat spotter Heidi Patterson. Here she identifies the offenders and warns against firms now starting to pass themselves off as UK, European or US-based businesses.

If you’ve been following the fetishistas coverage of latex fashion piracy, you’ll already know that a number of mostly Chinese websites are pushing generally substandard garments using images and, by extension, designs that they have stolen from legitimate latex labels in the West.

So you may be interested to learn about three new latex knock-off websites that crossed our radar in the closing months of last year.

In what may be a sign of the increasing sophistication of the Far Eastern latex copycat industry, two of these operations seem to have offices in Europe, while the third misrepresents itself as a UK business.

http://www.catsuits-latex.com/includes/templates/sexentheme/images/header.png

The latter, CATSUITS-LATEX.COM, includes this invitation on its website: “Buy quality latex catsuits online from UK’s most trusted latex fetish clothing retailer, save up to 50% on the high street and free shipping worldwide.”

In fact, this site is just another variation of the Chinese site sexiw.com, with prices that are not that much cheaper than Libidex‘s current sale prices.

Both Chinese sites are filled with stolen images with the heads cropped off. I made them remove a shot of one of my own designs that they had stolen, but I still appear on the site in another stolen and Photoshopped image from a 2001 Latex Lair shoot. I’ve decided to leave it there for now to amuse myself.

Also stolen are a fair number of Polymorphe catalogue photos, Latexa items (Latexa says the company is not a customer in either of its guises), Vex Clothing images and possibly some from Blacklickorish Latex too.

E-mails to either site are answered by “Sarah Gan” or “Ariel”. When pressed, they admit the site is based in Hong Kong/China, but make pleas to be taken seriously, as this e-mail I received from “Ariel” shows:

I’m not sure if we have claimed that we located in the UK. I can tell you that we are really in China. I know there were too much Chinese produced poor quality products before and now.

But there are also much young people trying to change this. It needs a long time I think. But we are struggling. We do our best to offer best service for our customers.

Now we can have a talk about our products. “We are committed to using pure natural latex raw materials and making high quality latex clothing. Our raw materials from Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, Hai’nan Island of China.”

If there’s someone says that our material contains some toxic substance, please let him show the appraisal certificate out. And in China we have lots of cheap labor, it help us offer more lower price.

I understand the people who don’t like Chinese, because there’s so much unthinkable things happened in this unthinkable land, which charged by a unthinkable government. But please believe, there’s always beautiful things. Just need you to find.

How could one fail to be moved by such a missive? In my case, the answer is: easily.

http://fine2shine.nl/templates/siteground-j15-112/images/headerimg.jpg

FINE2SHINE.NL is purportedly a Dutch retailer selling inexpensive latex. While all the site text is in Dutch, I’ve spotted numerous photos from other sites — including Libidex/Tall Goddess, Gaelyn & Cianfarani, and Simon O/LatexCult.de/Sweet Jessy, as well as other photos from Jade Vixen, Darenzia, Kendra James, Apnea, Christine Kessler, Marquis, and more.

Bizarrely, in its latex shop section, the company also mixes these stolen fetish designer and model photographs with a substantial number of Second Life avatar-style computer-generated fetish characters.

All this leads me to conclude that the company is in the business of selling knock-offs made in China, or worse, nothing at all.

According to Kumimonster, whoever’s behind the company will remove copyright images when pressed. So it may be worth a visit to see if you recognise anybody you know.

http://wholesale.easy2bid.com/images/about-easy2bid-icon.jpgClick on the Shopping tab of the Chinese EASY2BID.COM website and you’ll be taken to wholesale.easy2bid.com, where a range of shopping options includes wedding and party dresses, martial shoes and fashion bags, along with latex dresses.

In the latex section, Easy2Bid appears to be offering garments by HMS Latex, Catalyst, Naucler, Venus Prototype, Jane Doe and Latexa, plus Katy Perry‘s famous Syren dresses — all illustrated by images from the original makers’ websites, and in many cases using the same style names.

But I can state for certain that none of the latex shown from the above-mentioned labels is authorised to appear on this site. So if you buy any of these designers’ creations from this site, you are buying knock-offs, not the original designs produced by the lawful copyright owners.

Click on the About link and you’ll learn that this is the site of the Easy2Bid marketplace, a venture launched in December 2009 by EB Global, a Danish incorporated company based in Copenhagen.

The impression given by the comprehensive and well-written About blurb (which includes a picture of Danish CEO Peter-Mikal B Hansen) is of a respectable European operation representing Chinese and Vietnamese manufacturers.

But that doesn’t seem to have prevented it from going along with some less-than-respectable latex copyright theft.

Of course, a European operation representing Far Eastern suppliers might argue that the images on its website came direct from those suppliers, and that they have been used in good faith, without knowledge of their true origins or any copyright issues arising.

In which case designers will no doubt want to inform Mr Hansen of any breaches of their copyright, so that he and his Chinese associates can remove images that they do not have the right to use. And to anyone who tries this, please let us know the outcome.

http://zentai.24retail.com/skin//frontend/default/zentai/images/zentai_logo.png

STOP PRESS: A brand new sighting on my radar — the first of 2012 — is ZENTAI.24RETAIL.COM, a company presenting itself as a retailer of zentai suits and latex catsuits, dresses, corsets and accessories.

All its website latex photos have been lifted, minus tops of heads, straight from Libidex, and the garment descriptions even use the original Libidex style names!

I was quickly able to establish that Libidex is not wholesaling to this company, and though the home page advertises a Washington State phone number, the 24retail site blurb states that it is a “retail website for global which based in China”— so draw your own conclusions.

Incidentally, while this site makes the usual claims for low prices, there are quite a few examples where you can get the genuine item in the current Libidex sale cheaper than the knock-off.

Unless of course you want to gamble on Zentai’s “made-to-measure” knock-offs being better than the Libidex originals. In which case, best of luck to you.

3 WAYS TO SPOT A LATEX FAKE

The question comes up on latex forums with alarming regularity: “Do you know xxx.com? Are they legitimate? They have very nice things.”

Usually almost at first glance, the site will set off warning bells to anybody who’s shopped for latex long enough. But to newcomers with no point of reference, the clothing may appear too good to pass up.

There are three ways in which you can generally spot a knock-off or scam site. Check out the telltale signs below, and for fun, test on sexiw.com, latexcatfish, milanoo, or any number of eBay shop sites.

1. Office Lady Uniform
Enter the words “office lady” in the search field of the site. If it shows up, you more than likely have a Chinese knock-off site.

2. Size chart
The size chart shown below is also a dead giveaway of a Chinese knock-off operation. If you see it, you’re on a copycat’s site.

3. Heads cut off
Some websites automatically crop thumbnails so models’ heads don’t show, but when you click through to the full-size image, the whole head should be visible. If it isn’t, the image was almost certainly borrowed or stolen and the site you’ve found is a knock-off seller or scammer.

Caution: there are exceptions to rule 3, where designers purposely show garments in a “look book” style without heads — such as on Kim West’s Luxury Latex site. However, with a little practice, it becomes easy to tell the difference between a look book shot and a copycat’s crop.

http://thefetishistas.com/infobox/Chinese%20fake%20size%20chart.jpg

AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE Heidi Patterson is a fetish commentator and regular contributor to The Fetishistas who also has her own latex line, Essential Latex.

Christina Spaccavento: Keeping It Together

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

This week we welcome Christina Spaccavento to the MB Blog – Christina is a wonderful sex therapist and relationship counsellor, and her articles will bring new insights into marriage, relationships and sexuality.

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Marriage is becoming increasingly celebrated in Australia, so this would imply that there are many couples who are happy in their relationships. There is however still a relatively high divorce rate. So what is happening? This article addresses issues pertaining to marriage, limerence and relationships.

Keeping it Together

In 2009 the Australian Bureau of Statistics registered almost 50 000 divorces in Australia. That’s a lot of failed marriages for a country with a relatively small population. In fact Australia is ranked seventh place in the world for countries with the highest divorce rates. The United States comes in at first place (that’s no big surpise) followed by Puerto Rico, Russia, United Kingdom, Denmark and New Zealand. So is it really a game of chance? Or is there more to being a couple than initially meets the eye?

I see it again and again in my clinical practice. Dissatisfied lovers, who twelve to eighteen months after tying the knot watch in horror as it all fizzles down to mundane routine and ultimate relationship unhappiness.

I have often asked myself what the cause could possibly be. As a relationship counsellor, the first explanation that comes to mind is the idea of ‘limerence’. For those of you who are not familiar with this notion, ‘limerence’ is a term that was coined by Dr. Dororthy Tennov, an American Psychologist who attempted to describe the enigmatic state of being in love. Many of us have experienced those feelings of intense, almost obsessive and often painful romantic desire for another human. And you may have noticed that these sensations are usually experienced at the beginning of a relationship. A classic example is the call “just to say hi” that never ends because you don’t want to hang up on you lover. And then, as time goes on things tend to peter out . This is the state of limerence coming and going.

So how does it all start to come undone? We all know the amount of time, energy and money that goes into the preparation of a wedding. Retailers exploit the limerent phase to sell products ranging from wedding dresses to kitchen pans. But after it is all over, what skills have couples actually learnt towards maintaining the life-long commitment they have just signed up for? The stressful period before the big day can even bring to the forefront many issues that are affecting couples, but I am often left wondering how many of those hopefuls actually seek help before it is too late when there is such good help available.

Sex therapists can help rekindle and maintain that flame of love and interest in the lifelong union of marriage.

First of all, we need to be pragmatic in our expectations of our relationships. We need to realise that it is unrealistic and unfair to expect to feel the same euphoria that was experienced in the first three months of meeting our mate. If a relationship is to last it requires a lot more foundation than is often laid in the limerent phase. Here are some tips:

Be friends with your partner

Friendship is important in any relationship, so it’s important to nurture it.  Think about the activities that you enjoy doing with your partner, whether it be spending a quiet dinner just the two of you, going to concerts or performances, or walking along the beach. The time you spend doing things together helps to build a strong relationship foundation.

Communication

In my clinical experience what I find is the longer couples stay together, the more they start to think that they are mind readers. It is always good idea to make sure you fully understand what your partner is saying, or not saying and not just assume you know.

Check that you are both heading where you want to in the relationship

We all agree that people change over time. Yet in a relationships clients often express their bewilderment at changes in their partner. They say to me “she said she never wanted…..and now he wants…” Well I’ve got news for those who find themselves in this bind; we all change. It’s important to check in with each other regularly to make sure you’re both heading in the right direction.

Share the Workload

So now you’re a team. Making a a fair contribution of time and resources to the relationship will help build a strong foundation that leads to relationship resilience.

Keep things special

There is nothing cheesy about organising a weekly romantic date with your partner to keep the passion alive. Making a conscious effort to dedicate time and energy to your relationship will bring lasting rewards.

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There is no one concrete formula on how to ensure long term relationship bliss. What we can do, however is learn ways to stay positively connnected to our partner in order to build and maintain a strong union.

Hello 2012 & Happy New Year!

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

Just a quick shout out to the hungover, the partied-out, and to all those who are still celebrating – HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We hope you’re weekend was full of fun and friends and laughter – ours certainly was – and we hope we’ll see you in-store soon.

xxxx

The MaXXX Black Team