Archive for January, 2011

Jacqueline Hellyer: Ditch The Myths

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

There are many aspects to moving forward sexually, one of the key ones is to ditch all the myths that plague us.

Our society is full of myths about sex. It’s because we don’t talk openly about the details of sex and because there have been so many moral issues associated with sex for so long that so many beliefs are taken for truth.

I’ve discussed three of these in recent posts:

  • Men have not evolved to ‘sow their seed widely’ and therefore are not necessarily ‘naturally’ non-monogamous
  • Women are not ‘naturally’ monogamous
  • Monogamy is not necessarily ‘naturally’ innate to humans

These can be challenging beliefs to let go of, but until you do, you’re hampering yourself unnecessarily. If you buy into a belief then you’ll think there’s something wrong or bad about being a certain way, you’ll be judgemental about yourself and others. Judgement is the biggest impediment to growth in any area, including sexual.

Which doesn’t mean that you have to be or act a certain way. I’m certainly not saying for instance that we shouldn’t be monogamous, monogamy is a very good thing. But it’s not the only way of relating sexually, it’s not the only ‘right’ way of relating, and if you’re constrained by a belief that it is, then you’re limited. If you accept that monogamy is a choice rather than an innate state, then that frees you up enormously. You’ll ditch all the negativity that surrounds the beliefs and the ‘shoulds’ and allow yourself to be honest with yourself about what is really right for you sexually. That freedom and honestly will also enable you to be free and honest in your communication with your sexual partner(s).

It’s not just about big things like monogamy though. I find that people often hinder themselves with small beliefs, such as:

  • sex has to be last thing at night
  • you can’t have sex if the children are still awake
  • you can’t have sex when your parents/guests are staying
  • having regular ‘nooky nights’ is unspontaneous and therefore bad.

Then there are age related myths such as:

  • sex naturally gets worse as you get older
  • people reach their sexual peak in their 20s (they reach their reproductive peak then, not sexual)
  • women dry up and become unsexual after menopause
  • men only like young women
  • your sexual partner should only be a few years older or younger than you
  • women with younger partners are ‘cougars’ and somehow ‘bad’

There are plenty of myths around homosexuality vs heterosexuality (even if we’ve let of the big one that homosexuality is unnatural and wrong):

  • if you’re primarily heterosexual you shouldn’t find people of the same sex in any way sexually appealing
  • you’re either completely homosexual or completely heterosexual
  • women are more naturally bisexual than men
  • men who cross-dress must be gay

There are countless myths about male versus female sex roles, too many to go into here, but here are a few:

  • men are gagging for sex all the time
  • men want to have sex to get off, rather than to pleasure their partner
  • men don’t like foreplay or sensual sex, they’re only interested in the ‘main event’
  • women should have obligation sex with their partner or he’ll lose interest in them
  • men should initiate and lead the way sexually
  • there’s something wrong with a woman if she has a low libido
  • you need a hard erection for good sex
  • you need a penis for good sex

Then there are all those myths about what you should or shouldn’t do sexually. To quote from my book ‘Sex Secrets for Busy People’:

“If you think oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, erotic videos,
crotchless knickers, latex catsuits, bondage, swinging, pain and
pleasure or any other activity is wrong, evil, immoral and takes you straight to hell, well, it’s time to loosen up and push those boundaries a little.”

[Note: There are laws around sexual activity, for good reason, fortunately these days they are less based on morality and more on protection of innocents. So as long as it’s between consenting, living, adult, humans, then it’s your personal choice.]

Human sexuality is a wonderful thing, with so many possibilities, and so much potential for self-expression, self-knowledge and personal growth, not to mention bonding, pleasure, stress relief, well-being, better physical and mental health, and plain old fun!

To be able to make the most of your sexuality, start by ditching the myths that hold you back.

Advice: Why Do Vibrators Work So Well For Women?

Saturday, January 29th, 2011

Whether you’re a sex toy aficionado, a vibrator newbie or just plain curious it’s always empowering to improve your understanding of sexuality and the female anatomy. If you’ve ever asked yourself “why would I use a vibrator?” and wondered just how these miraculous, buzzing appliances work and why they work, you’ve probably been stumped for an answer.

The reality is, is that vibrators have traditionally been associated with women because so many learned how to orgasm (or how to orgasm more easily) by using a vibrator. The majority of women require consistent, intense clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm, because that’s simply the way we’re wired. While deft fingers and a clever tongue are definitely useful in bringing women to climax, sometimes it just isn’t possible. Furthermore, it’s common knowledge that the majority of the male population enjoy visual stimuli for arousal (pornography), so why can’t women add another form of stimuli to their artillery?

Vibrators have come a long way since their inception for medicinal purposes in the late 19th century! And with a recent statistic revealing that 40% of Australian women own a vibrator, it’s no surprise that they’ve retained their popularity and that their popularity continues to grow!

So just how do vibrators work, and why?

As mentioned earlier, women climax generally through clitoral stimulation, and this stimulation needs to be fairly consistent in order to achieve orgasm.

At first glance, the clitoris may look like a little pea, hidden away under the clitoral hood (though they all vary in shapes and sizes) however, many people are surprised to discover that the clitoris actually extends internally inside women. Two strands of erectile tissue curve up inside, and become engorged when aroused (similarly to an erect penis.) The clitoris also becomes engorged and grows in size, sometimes even popping out of the hood, whilst the vulva and labia become slightly puffier and the vagina relaxes and secretes its natural lubrication.

As a general rule, vibrators work by stimulating the clitoris externally (and internally) as its vibrations travel and resonate through the body, providing pleasurable, consistent sensations. Many people assume that vibrators and dildos are the same thing, but while dildos can only be used internally (and don’t vibrate), vibrators can work internally and externally and they do, of course, vibrate.

Many women also find that they purchase a large, realistic looking vibrator because it would appear to emulate the experience of penetrative sex, but discover with a little care and play, that it’s actually more pleasurable to hold that toy externally, on the clitoris, in order to achieve orgasm.

This is why some vibrators are small and egg shaped, why some come in small bullet sizes, why some come with a shaft and tickler (for internal and external stimulation) and why some are curved for g-spot stimulation.

There’s a huge range of different styles available out there, and we’re lucky to be able to experiment and find out what works for us!

Of course, a vibrator can never substitute a human touch, but it can enhance solo and couples play and help to improve ones self esteem through healthy self exploration and empowerment!

News: Penis Museum To Display Human Penis After 14 Year Wait

Friday, January 28th, 2011

Sigurour Hjartarson will finally get to claim the penis promised to him by an Icelander 14 years ago.

The donor of the penis, Pall Arason, passed away on January 5, 2010 and Hjartarson, the curator of Iceland’s Penis Museum, is now preparing to collect the museum’s first human specimen.

Hjartarson said while he does not know if the agreement – made 14 years ago – will be respected, he does not think there will be a problem, according to media reports.

Iceland's penis museum to get human specimen

The Icelandic Penis Museum has penises of every species of living thing that has a penis except for a human. Hjartarson told the local media he has long waited for a full human specimen.

Just in case the Arason deal doesn’t work out, the curator has three other donation pledges for a human specimen.

Hjartarson is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, which offers visitors from around the world a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ.

His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull’s penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species.

The largest, from a sperm whale, is 70 kg (154 lb) and 1.7 meters (5.58 ft) long. The smallest, a hamster penis bone, is just 2 mm and must be viewed through a magnifying glass.

A German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton had promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display at the museum.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis — which he purportedly nick-named “Elmo” — for display alongside a life-size plastic mould of the member as well as his pledge to donate it.

The museum, originally opened in Reykjavik in 1997, has now moved to the quiet fishing village of Husavik, 480 km (298 miles) northeast of the capital.

Open from May to September, it is housed in a plain brown building, the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.

A growing number of people from all over the world view the collection each year, 60 percent of them women.

The specimens, most of which were donated by fishermen, hunters and biologists, are kept in glass jars of formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the wall, creating an atmosphere that is part science lab, part trophy room.

Visit the museum’s website HERE:

Science: Proof That Carrots Make You Sexy

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Eating strongly coloured vegetables and fruit such as carrots and plums makes people more attractive, according to a new British study.

Researchers at St Andrews and Bristol universities studied the relationship between skin colour and attractiveness, and found people with a yellow skin hue were perceived as particularly healthy and attractive, the Grocer magazine reported.

They also established for the first time that yellow pigments, or carotenoids, from certain fruit and vegetables played a key role in producing yellowness in skin.

As part of the study, 40 volunteers rated 51 Scottish Caucasian faces for healthiness and attractiveness.

The results will be published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour in March, the magazine said.

Ian Stephen, one of the scientists involved in the project, said the link between yellowness and carotenoids opened up new strategies for encouraging young people to eat more fruit and vegetables, especially as it took just two months of increased consumption to produce visible results.

He told the Grocer: “Telling people they might have a heart attack in 40 years’ time if they don’t eat more healthily is one thing. What we can do is say, ‘This is what you could look in a couple of months if you increased your fruit and veg intake’.”

So it turns out your parents were right to tell you to eat your carrots!  However, the jury’s still out on whether crusts will make your hair curly.

Read more:

Fun: Shock Jocks Make Men Bigger (not really)

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Guys have been trying to appear ‘larger’ since forever, and besides a myriad of “o-ring” g-strings and that old favourite of stuffing a sock down there, there hasn’t been much in the way of realistic “plumping”. Until now.

These are in fact simply Andrew Christian’s Shock Jock Flirt Brief Underwear with Active Shaping Technology Cup, which uses “completely natural look[ing]” “authentic male features” to miraculously add two inches to “your frontal measurement.”

For best results, set your washing machine to warm when laundering.

And remember: the removable Active Shaping Technology Cup “can be hand-washed as needed.”


Fun: Top 10 Sex Symbols of the 50′s & 60′s

Monday, January 24th, 2011

In popular culture a “sex symbol” is a person that is admired for their sex appeal.  Most of these individuals are famous actors, musicians, or models that have an extensive media following.  During the 1950s and 60s a generation of people began to question and challenge the traditionally accepted cultural norms.  The relatively conservative ideals that were formed around international war and population growth were beginning to evolve.  During this time in history the foundation for rock and roll music was formed, racial segregation was an issue, and the strict laws around sexual expression were being challenged.  For this reason, the people that emerged as sex symbols during this era were extremely influential and important to popular culture.

10. Ursula Andress

Ursula Andress is a Swiss actress that became an international sex symbol in the 1960s.  Andress began her career as an art model in Rome, which led to film spots in the Italian movie industry.  She landed her breakout role in the 1962 James Bond film Dr. No.  Her famous character in the movie led to many modeling opportunities and Andress face became internationally known.  She would star alongside notable actors such as Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Marcello Mastroianni.  Ursula Andress also played Vesper Lynd in the 1967 James Bond parody Casino Royale.


sensuous nurse poster

Why So Sexy

In the movie Dr. No Andress plays a shell diver named Honey Ryder who becomes the center of James Bond’s desire.  In a well-known scene, she rises out of the Caribbean Sea in a white bikini.  The movie moment is routinely listed as one of the sexiest in film history.  It made Ursula Andress the object of affection for millions of young men and women.  In 2001, the bikini worn by Andress in the film was sold for 35,000 Euros.  Ursula Andress has a short and curvy frame.  During the 1960s she dated some of Hollywood’s leading men, including James Dean, Sean Connery, and Marlon Brando.  She posed nude for Playboy Magazine in 1965 and her issue was one of the most popular in the magazines history.

9. Paul Newman

In 1925 Paul Newman was born in Shaker Heights, Ohio.  During World War II Newman served in the United States Navy and fought in the Pacific theater.  He would later study drama at Yale University and Newman’s first Hollywood movie was The Silver Chalice (1954).  During the 1950s and 60s he held a rebellious persona and women idealized his movie characters.  Paul Newman has starred in numerous blockbusters, including Exodus, The Hustler, Hud, Cool Hand Luke, A New Kind of Love, and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.  In his later years Newman became known as an entrepreneur, humanitarian, and auto racing enthusiast.  He passed away in 2008 at the age of 83.

paul newman

Why So Sexy

During the 1950s and 60s Paul Newman had a legendary sex appeal.  He came across as an intelligent and stern individual, who rarely smiled in photographs.  Newman was a class act in his daily activities, but wasn’t afraid to inform you on his opinions.  Paul Newman was one of the most famous movie stars of the 1960s and his characteristic blue eyes were admired by women from all over the world.

In the late 1960s Paul Newman showed strong opposition towards the Vietnam War and was ultimately placed on President Richard Nixon’s enemies list.  He would later claim that this was his greatest accomplishment.  Newman also supported initiatives on same sex marriage, global warming, and nuclear energy development.  During his lifetime Paul Newman was known as a “man’s man” and in the 1950s and 60s ladies from all around the world would have done anything to get close to him.

8. Raquel Welch

Raquel Welch was born in Chicago, Illinois.  In her early years Raquel worked various jobs, including a position as a weather forecaster, cocktail hostess, and various modeling gigs.  By the middle of the 1960s Welch turned her attention to acting and signed a film contract with 20th Century Fox.  She became internationally recognized after starring in the sci-fi hit Fantastic Voyage (1966).  To date Raquel Welch has starred in over a hundred films and television programs.

Why So Sexy

During her early modeling career Raquel Welch quickly became known for her long chestnut hair and big brown eyes.  She is a busty woman and helped expand the popularity of bikini swimwear in the early 1960s.  In 1966 she starred in the film remake of One Million Years B.C.  A movie still of Welch used to promote the film showed her striking a pose in a prehistoric animal-skin bikini.  The picture was made into a poster and the photo would eventually become one of the best-selling posters in history.

Raquel Welch’s sexy roles and fashion sense helped her become an international sex symbol during the 1960s and 70s.  As most beautiful ladies do, Welch caught the attention of Hugh Hefner who published a photo of her iconic poster with the title “Most Desired Woman” of the 1970s.  In December of 1979 Raquel Welch was featured on the cover of Playboy’s Christmas edition, but she did not publish any nude photographs.  Raquel Welch has never appeared nude in a film or posed naked for a magazine.

7. Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger was born at the Livingstone Hospital in Dartford, Kent, England in 1943.  From a young age Jagger loved to sing.  In 1961, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards moved into a flat in Chelsea with a guitarist they had encountered named Brian Jones.  The trio would form a rock band named The Rolling Stones.  The stones would premiere on July 12, 1962.  During the 1960s The Rolling Stones released numerous popular albums and cemented themselves as rock legends.  The band’s free spirit and rock and roll lifestyle helped make them all international sex symbols, but the ladies especially loved Brian Jones and Mick Jagger.  During the 1960s and 70s Mick Jagger had many publicized romantic affairs.  The list of women he dated is extensive and Jagger has seven children by four different women.

Why So Sexy

A number of rock stars from the 1950s and 1960s could have been mentioned as sex symbols, but none are quite as provocative as Mick Jagger.  His distinctive facial features are among the most recognizable in the world, but what makes Jagger so attractive is his music.  His confidence and stage presence has helped propel him to the status of international superstar.  Even at the age of 66, Mick Jagger can get ladies of all ages.  Similar to other rock stars, Mick Jagger’s most famous physical feature has to be his large lips and wide mouth.  Some other major musical sex symbols of the 1960s were Paul McCartney, John Lennon, and Jimi Hendrix.

6. Bettie Page

In 1923 Bettie Page was born in Nashville, Tennessee.  At a young age Bettie worked various modeling jobs, but didn’t get noticed by the mainstream media until 1952 when she started posing for mail-order photography.  During this time many of her pinups contained bondage and sadomasochistic themes.  Bettie Page was the first famous bondage model and she soon became the top selling pin-up girl in New York.  Bettie would often time pose nude for her posters and she was soon recognized by Hugh Hefner.  In January of 1955 Bettie Page was featured as the centerfold in Playboy Magazine.


Why So Sexy

Bettie Page was a southern beauty with jet black hair and trademark bangs.  She was made famous by her controversial photographs that displayed the female body in a way that many people had not seen.  Page never appeared in any pictures or movie scenes using explicit sexual content, only nude photography.  Her provocative poses helped her stand out and attract the masses.  Bettie Page has been praised for her impact on fashion and the modeling world.  She played an important role in expanding the acceptance of sexuality in popular culture.

Bettie Page has been labeled the “Queen of the Pinup” and is known for her black lacy outfits.  She was also known for erratic and strange behavior.  After the end of the 1950s Bettie Page experienced a nervous breakdown and was put into a mental Hospital after assaulting and stabbing her landlady.  Bettie was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia and was released from the hospital in 1992.  She then hired an estate agency and started making money off her image.  Bettie Page died in 2008 at the age of 85.

5. Jayne Mansfield

Jayne Mansfield was an American actress that became an international sex symbol during the 1950s and 60s.  She was a smart young woman who fluently spoke five different languages and could play the piano and violin.  In the middle of the 1950s Jayne Mansfield became a Hollywood attraction.  She starred in numerous films and signed a long term movie contract with 20th Century Fox.  In 1963 Mansfield was persuaded to become the first mainstream actress to appear nude in an American film since the adoption of the Hays Code in 1934.  Mansfield was filmed topless for the production Promises! Promises!  Nude photographs of her taken on the set were published in Playboy Magazine.  As one would expect, the Playboy issue was one of the best selling in history.

Why So Sexy

Jayne Mansfield was a natural brunette, but became famous for her long blond hair.  Her flamboyant image was attractive and inviting.  She had a distinctive soft voice and a voluptuous figure.  Between the years 1956 and 1957 Mansfield’s photo was published in over 2,500 separate newspapers.  She was a household name and received many comparisons to Marilyn Monroe.  In response to this she was quoted as saying, “cleavage, of course, helped me get to where I am.  I don’t know how she got there.”

jayne mansfield and sophia loren

Jayne Mansfield was not afraid to show her cleavage and one of her most famous photographs was taken at a party in 1957.  In the photo she is sitting with Sophia Loren who is starring down at her bosom.  During her career Mansfield gained a lot of publicity for her attempts to accidently expose her breasts in public.  Jack Paar even introduced her on The Tonight Show with the phrase “Here they are, Jayne Mansfield.”  Jayne Mansfield is credited with expanding the sexual image of popular culture that we enjoy today.  On June 29, 1967, Jayne Mansfield was killed in an automobile accident.  She was only 34-years-old.

4. Elvis Presley

In 1935, Elvis Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi.  At a young age Elvis was crazy about music, but was often times described as a “loner” by his schoolmates.  During his junior year of high school Elvis began to stand out.  He started to grow sideburns and styled his hair with rose oil and Vaseline.  Elvis also dressed in flashy clothing with high collars and open shirts.  In 1956, Presley made his first recordings for RCA in Nashville.  He was soon making television appearances and a national debate was formed surrounding his controversial stage antics, which included hip thrusts and “vulgar dancing.”

During the 1950s Elvis released a series of chart topping records and became the king of rock and roll.  He staged only a limited number of concerts during the late 1950s and 60s and spent the majority of his time making films and writing movie soundtracks.  In 1973, Presley staged the first concert broadcasted globally via satellite.  It was titled Aloha from Hawaii and the concert was seen by around 1.5 billion people.  Prescription drug abuse compromised Elvis health and he died suddenly in 1977 at the age of 42.

Why So Sexy

Elvis Presley is one of the most important figures in 20th century popular culture.  He helped change the perception of popular music and expand the views of an entire generation of teenagers.  In the 1950s Elvis relentless dance moves, dark black hair, sideburns, and deep voice made him an international sex symbol.  Girls would go crazy at the sight of Elvis and swarm around him like no other previous performer.


Elvis Presley helped launch a youth subculture known as the greasers or hoods.  The hoods were labeled for their greased back hair, which involved using wax, gel, creams, tonics or pomade.  The estate of Elvis Presley continues to make tens of millions of dollars annually and he is still regarded as a symbol of rock and roll.

3. Brigitte Bardot

In 1934 Brigitte Bardot was born in Paris, France.  At a young age she was interested in dance, but was soon recognized for her sharp beauty.  By the end of the 1940s Bardot began a modeling and acting career.  She was one of the few European actresses of the 1950s and 60s to reach high success in the United States.  During her career, Brigitte Bardot was portrayed as a sex symbol and idealized by many stars, including John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Bob Dylan.  Brigitte Bardot and John Lennon met on only one occasion in 1968.  The incident was recalled in Lennon’s memoir, which states that a nervous Lennon took LSD before arriving, and neither star impressed the other. “I was on acid, and she was on her way out.”  Brigitte Bardot starred in 48 films and recorded 80 songs during her career.

Why So Sexy

Brigitte Bardot’s body image had a significant impact on fashion trends during the 1950s and 60s.  She popularized the Bardot neckline, which is a wide open neck that exposes both shoulders.  Bardot helped expand the popularity of bikini swimwear.  Today, bikinis are widely used all over the world and I think many people reading this article agree that Bardot’s contributions are admirable.  She popularized the choucroute hairstyle (beehive type) and gingham clothes.

It was Brigitte Bardot’s “sex kitten” image that made her so recognizable.  In 1956 she became known all over the world after starring in the seductive thriller And God Created Woman.  The movie was criticized by some for having a sexist point of view, as Bardot was portrayed as a young woman with a high level a sexual energy.  The film pushed the limits of censorship in America and the public loved it.  During the 1960s Bardot held the image of a free spirit and had many publicized relationships and marriages.  In her later years she became an animal rights activist and has even been fined for inciting racial hatred.

2. James Dean

In 1931 James Dean was born in Marion, Indiana.  His family moved to Santa Monica, California at a young age and his mother passed away when James was 9-years-old.  Dean attended drama classes at UCLA University until he landed the professional role of Malcolm in the play Macbeth.  In the early 1950s James Dean starred in many small time television and film roles, but he didn’t become internationally famous until the release of the 1953 adaptation of John Steinbeck’s novel East of Eden, in which Dean played the loner Cal Trask.

The movie was successful and James Dean began to gain a strong fan following.  In 1955 James starred in the film Rebel without a Cause, in which he played the character of troubled Los Angeles teenager Jim Stark.  Jim Stark would give James Dean a youth following and was a close representation of his true nature.  James Dean loved fast cars, adrenaline, car racing, and bullfighting.  His last film role was his portrayal of farmer Jett Rink in the movie Giant.  Sadly, James Dean died in an automobile accident on September 30, 1955.  He was only 24-years-old.


Why So Sexy

During the 1950s James Dean became a sexual icon as a generation of teenagers looked upon him for freedom.  James Dean had a wild and documented sexual history, which included experimental relationships with both men and women.  He was always quick to dismiss the question about his sexual orientation and in one interview gave the famous quote “Well, I’m certainly not going through life with one hand tied behind my back.”

During the early 1950s the U.S. government classified homosexuality as a mental disorder.  James Dean was idealized by both men and women alike for his characteristic hairstyle, bad boy image, fashion, and famous eyes.  He brought the topic of sexual orientation into the mainstream media.  The impression that James Dean made was immediate and like many stars that died young, James Dean will continue live as a sex symbol because his fans will forever remember him as the 24-year-old rebel without a cause.

1. Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was considered the ultimate sex symbol of the 1950s and early 60s.  She was born in Los Angeles and was raised under the name Norma Jeane Baker.  In the early 1940s Marilyn became a successful model and was featured in many magazines.  She was noticed by movie executives and was signed to a long term film contract with 20th Century Fox in 1950.  In 1952 Marilyn Monroe caught the attention of the entire United States when nude photos of her were published in a calendar.  The pictures were taken from a 1949 shoot with photographer Tom Kelley.

In response to this Monroe claimed that she took the photos only because she had no money at the time.  This generated a widely publicized sympathy story and Monroe was featured on the cover of major magazines.  During her lifetime, Marilyn Monroe was married to three separate men, James Dougherty, Joe DiMaggio, and playwright Arthur Miller.  During the 1950s Marilyn starred in many successful films and was a popular actress.


Why So Sexy

Marilyn Monroe was often times casted in movie roles as the hot and sexy blond.  She became internationally known for her blond hair, fashion, soft voice, and rowdy behavior.  In December of 1953 Marilyn Monroe was featured in the first issue of Playboy Magazine.  She was pictured on the cover and nude photos of her were used in the issue.  This helped make Monroe a sexual icon and she gained interest from many powerful men, including the Kennedy brothers.

During her career, Marilyn Monroe was a popular singer and released many singles.  She notably traveled overseas to perform and dance for thousands of soldiers fighting in the Korean War.  During the 1950s Marilyn Monroe was idealized by millions of American men and women.  Sadly she died on August 5, 1962 under suspicious circumstances.  The official cause of death was an overdose of barbiturates and her death was initially ruled a “probable suicide.”

What do you think? Anyone you think should be on this list? tell us!


Jaqueline Hellyer: Consensual Non-Monogamy

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

I’ve been writing in the past few posts about how humans are not necessarily naturally monogamous, and that’s it’s a social norm rather than a biological imperative.

It’s a very strong social norm, and anyone who goes against that norm risks pretty severe social disapproval, particularly if it’s done in a deceitful way. Unfortunately most non-monogamy is deceitful, one party has an affair, or several, and when the other finds out it can be ruinous for the relationship. I am completely against non-consensual non-monogamy, ie cheating on your partner.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other though, monogamy or cheating. If monogamy works for you, great, if not, there are more options than being unfaithful to your partner in a deceitful way.

It is possible to be non-monogamous – with consent. That’s the difference, it has to be consensual. When a couple both agree to be non-monogamous and continually assess the situation and their own rules and boundaries, then it can be a successful approach to living and loving.

I do want to stress though, that in this society it’s not easy to be non-monogamous, and I’m certainly not suggesting that anyone should be. However, it does work for some people. I often work with couples (and triads) exploring non-monogamy and help them decide if it is for them and if so how to go about it safely and respectfully.

Whether it’s something you’re considering for yourselves, or if you’re just curious about possibilities, here is a description of different approaches to consensual non-monogamy.


This is where a person has more than one committed relationship going on at the same time. The founding belief is that you can love more than one person at a time and you can have a committed loving on-going sexual relationship with more than one person at a time.

In this situation you generally don’t have a primary ‘couple’ as such, although it can be that two people are married and one or both of them also has one or more other committed relationships. (You can imagine that polyamorous ‘families’, as they’re often termed, can get quite complex in structure!) These types of relationship structures can be quite fluid and organic as partners grow and change.


This is where a committed couple have sex with other people at the same time. They do not have sex with other people on their own or without their partner being present.

Each couple will have their own rules about what they agree to do. Generally the options are;

– play with other people, but no intercourse or no genital interaction;
– play with other women only;
– play with other men only;
– one plays while the other watches;
– only play with other couples;
– watch other people but only have sex with themselves;
– play freely within a certain situation such as at a swingers party or swingers club.

It’s important that a couple who get into swinging continually check in on each other to make sure both are comfortable with what’s going on and take it slowly.

Open Relationship

This is where a couple agree that one or both of them can have sex with other people. They remain the primary couple at all times and each is the primary partner to the other. Any other sexual interactions are secondary and the primary relationship takes precedence.

Each couple will have their own rules around how this is possible, such as:
– only when you’re out of town;
– not with friends;
– only with people of a certain sex;
– tell all;
– tell bits;
– don’t tell all;
– ask me first;
– only once a year (or some other timeframe).

The key thing to successful non-monogamous relationships is that it is done:
– respectfully
– safely
– with continuous communication
– with continual openness to renegotiate.

When done like this, non-monogamy can offer a broader, more satisfying approach to relating than the serial monogamy approach to relationships that are the norm in this society. As I’ve mentioned before, I believe we are all on a continuum of monogamy, with some of us completely monogamous and some of us completely non-monogamous and most of us somewhere in-between.

If you choose the standard monogamy option, that tends to be easier as the ‘rules’ are established by society rather than the couple (although even then most couples will have to set their own rules around levels of acceptable interaction and friendships with people of the opposite sex). If you choose non-monogamy then you have to set your own rules, and that means complete honesty and excellent communication, plus a willingness to experiment, make mistakes and continually reassess and evolve.

It’s not for everyone, but it can and does work.  And one thing’s for sure, the standard dual options of pure monogamy or deceitful infidelity is not the answer.

If you’re interested in finding out more I recommend the excellent book The Ethical Slut by Easton & Liszt.


However, it’s not for everyone, most people prefer to be at least primarily, if not exclusively, monogamous.

For that to work you need consensual non-monotony.

Yes, it’s a play on words, but it’s also an extremely important point. A couple can only have good on-going sex if they both agree to make it good. As I’ve stressed so often, good sex doesn’t just ‘happen’, you have to work at it, and you both have to work at it as a joint project. Otherwise you get complacency and dreariness.

You both need to agree to ditch the monotony!

This is the most common client type I deal with, couples who want to improve the quality of their sex life. While a small proportion are open to considering non-monogamy, most want to improve things between themselves alone.

The key to success at consensual non-monotony is openness with each other – honest, real communication. That’s what is required to be able to discuss and explore and examine and refine.

This level of openness with each other is only possible if you have complete respect for each other, for yourself and for them. If you feel you are being judged by your partner, or by yourself, then you will hold yourself back and not be completely open.

It’s really hard to be this open with your partner! It’s hard to be so trusting and so non-judgemental. It takes practice. I know from working with couples, that once they get to this level of open communication that the miracles start happening. I love that point! It’s what makes my work so worthwhile.

There’s plenty of advice in these posts to help you do it for yourselves.

So consent to non-monotony – and make it happen!

EVENTS: Valentine’s Day Workshop For Couples

Saturday, January 22nd, 2011

Jacqueline Hellyer is our resident sexpert and tantric guru. MaXXX is proud to announce a special presentation of her Luscious Lovers Workshop for Couples – just for Valentines Day!

Valentine’s Day can be tokenistic – this year make sure it’s meaningful, that it’s actually about honouring and deepening your connection with your true love, attend Luscious Lovers on Saturday 12 February. What could be better than spending a full day of gorgeous connecting with your beloved? Eight hours of foreplay with your clothes on – then go out to dinner and maybe even spend the night in a hotel… It’ll be a Valentine’s Day weekend you’ll never forget.

Information and bookings for 12 February Luscious Lovers here.

Book Review: The Human Pony by Rebecca Wilcox (nsfw)

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Books are the essence of knowledge. They teach, inform, enlighten and instruct. So with that in mind i’d like to direct your attention to the beautiful written and published book “The Human Pony” By Rebecca Wilcox.

For someone who has no insight into the different worlds and cultures of the BDSM and Fetish scene, this subject can initially raise some eyebrows. However the combination of clearly written details, beautiful images and delightfully written first hand accounts from Human Equine and Their Trainers make this an informative and insightful guide into the world of Human Equine Play.

Rebecca Willcox uses her knowledge and experience as a both a Bio Equine Trainer and her involvement with Human pony play to create an understanding of the many different worlds and motivations each person has for entering pony play. She explains the unique difference in each type of human pony (for example, Show ponies will be trained in dressage and dressed elaboratly for show, whilst a Cart Pony has the stimulus of leading his/her owner’s attached cart to their desiered destination) and how each understanding of the concept “Pony Play” is unique and varied from person to person. We are given this introduction in the first chapter “What is Pony Play?” and shown what appeals to people just understanding pony play for the first time.

Chapters “Pony and Trainer Headspace” and “Equipment” goes into to detail the emotional and mental attributions to pony play, and how important safety is to both the trainer and pony. We are shown how humans can be compared to bio equine just by certain quirks they show whilst being in “Pony Headspace”..Taking on certain peronsonality qualities that can be found in specific Bio-Horse breeds. We are given information about the proper use and care of Equipment and how biological equine equipment has been adjusted and reinveted for Human Pony use. Lots of beautiful large photos give a great visual into what you would be looking for and how it is to be worn (The boots that are designed to look hoofs are amazing!)

Detailed guides follow about what it takes to train a Pony and useful techniques that are not much different from training Biological Horses. From Grooming, to tacking (saddling up) to Obstacles – Everything is covered here in a easy fluent way for even the most mystified person to comprehend.

Rebecca introduces us to her world of event planning, Having herself organised many events for the Pony Play community including ‘Fox Hunts’, where a variety of animal role players (Such as ponies and puppies) come together to recreate the age old game of Hide and Seek to new levels. This chapter gives a beautiful insight to how closeknit and fun this community and type of play can be.

“The Human Pony” is a great book for people with all levels of interest in pony play. From the most experienced Cart pulling pony to the most curious of couples, Its hard to walk past this book without glimpsing at the stunning visuals. A great read for anyone with even the slightest curiosity into the world of Human Ponies.

Like what you’ve heard? Want to know more? CLICK HERE TO SEE THE HUMAN PONY at

History: Love & Lust In Ancient Egypt – Part Two

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

And so we continue our romp through the sands of time with more fascinating tidbits of Love & Lust in Ancient Egypt…

A depiction of sexuality from early Egypt shows the ancient egyptians' belief in sacred sex, and sacred sexual function. Pornographic images are common in temples, tombs, and even in residences.


The Egyptians thought of their afterlives as a continuation of life on Earth (only better), so it followed that sex, enjoyed in life, would be even better in heaven. Egyptian men had false penises attached to their mummies whilst women did the same with false nipples. It was believed these would become functional in the afterlife.

It was all a part of the belief that fertility, life and sex were interlinked and that the enjoyment of sex was as important as procreation!


gyptian mummies and wall carvings record the practice of circumcision over 4000 years ago. The practice seems to have been universal amongst all strata of society in Ancient Egypt. It was thought to help with fertility and sexual function and the surgery was performed in late puberty by priests. Recent studies are showing that circumcision was common place in many North African cultures for thousands of years.

A Papyrus artwork from Saqqara in Lower Egypt from about 2300 BC. It depicts the priests performing the circumcision ritual on young men of noble birth.


The Egyptians had their own ways and means of getting around the fact that sex produced children. They had both contraceptives and abortions, mostly by prescriptions that were filled with unpleasant ingredients such as crocodile dung. Here is one of the nicer ones:

Prescription to make a woman cease to become pregnant for one, two or three years: Grind together finely a measure of acacia dates with some honey. Moisten seed-wool with the mixture and insert it in the vagina.

So, that’s our very quick round-up of sex in Ancient Egypt – Next week, we visit Ancient Greece – land of Eros & Aphrodite.