Fun: History’s Kinksters

Since it seems like every movie star, athlete and politician is just a sex scandal waiting to happen, you could almost think that it’s not possible to be a prominent person without also having an utterly depraved sex life behind the scenes.

And looking back at some of the great people in history… well, you’ll see…

1. ALBERT EINSTEIN

Time Magazine’s ‘Man of the Century’ is the most famous scientist in history, and perhaps you wouldn’t think that the emporer of all geekdom would be as popular with women as he was the US military but…when he wasn’t splicing atoms he was the biggest womaniser in science. Married twice (once to his cousin) he cheated on both women with at least ten others. In his defence Einstein did present his wives with a list of rules that included “expect neither intimacy nor fidelity”.

2. MOZART

Was a child prodigy that gave us some of the greatest music of all time but behind closed doors Mozart wasn’t always writing one of his 600 masterpieces. Letters to female cousins reveal a distinctly dirty side, one that he even shared in leters with his mother (though in a more joking tone). Yes the genius who brought us Piano Concerto #24 had a penchant for penning dirty lyrics which is best summed up from his party ballad “Lick My Ass”:

Lick my ass nicely,

lick it nice and clean,

nice and clean, lick my ass.

That’s a greasy desire,

nicely buttered,

like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity.

Three will lick more than two,

come on, just try it,

and lick, lick, lick.

Everybody lick his own ass himself.

3. JAMES JOYCE

The author of Ulysses is considered the height of modern literature. But in the days before sexting, iphones and friendface Joyce and his wife would send each other dirty letters. He often shared his erotic interest in his wife’s flatulence with lines like “It is wonderful to f*!@ a farting woman when every thrust drives one out of her”.
Hmmm.

4. JOAN CRAWFORD

This oscar winner and infamous mother struggled her entire life to control and maintain her perfect ‘hollywood’ image, but her off-screen shinanigans are as enduring as those eyebrows. Her film career started in the 1920’s when she danced naked in short arcade peep show films (which she tried in vain to cover up), but it was her penchant for rough ‘play’ and her indiscriminate taste for both men and women that really got people talking. Betty Davis once said that she had “slept with every star at MGM, of both sexes”. Naughty then, but today that’d probably get her a reality show on cable.

5. PERCY GRAINGER

You may not know much about the man whose contribution to classical music is still being felt today, but Grainger once earned the equivalent of $3 million a year. When he passed away he left his money to the University of Melbourne, but he also donated countless photos of himself, 83 whips and a pair of his own shorts – because he was a huge fan of BDSM. Percy had an entire room of his mansion covered in mirrors so he could watch his wife dominate him, taking pictures of the whole scene. He meticulously chronicled every session. Organised AND Kinky.

6. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA

When he wasn’t conquering Damascus or promoting independent Arab nations, Lawrence was pitching tents in the desert courtesy of a man named John Bruce. Lawrence would pay Bruce to whip him with a stick and then write up a detailed account of the beating.

7. JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU

The author whose work  ‘The Social Contract‘ was a primary inspiration for the USA’s Declaration of Independence was a closet spanker. His desire for slap and tickle was so great at one time in his life he lived like a drifter, dropping his pants and running past women in the hope of getting a smack.  At least he was proactive.

8. VICTOR HUGO

A visionary author, whose texts practically invented the term ‘science fiction’ was as active in the bedroom as he was in Napoleonic politics. In addition to his love of throwing a good orgy with his wife (they had an open marriage), Hugo was a huge fan of feet, even taking the time to add some sketches of his favourite feet to his huge collection of self-drawn pics.

There you have it – History Lessons, MaXXX style.

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